Psalm 55:22

Earlier this week, a dear friend sent me a photo that is now very important to me. It is a picture of a mirror covered with bible verses with my friend in that mirror taking the photo with an iPad. It says everything. And everything I've needed to be reminded of this week.

A bible verse has stood out to me this week...and although it isn’t on the mirror...I just verified...I am now seeing it everywhere. Psalm 55:22 has appeared more than once in words shared in a post on Facebook and in one of those memes that people somehow have the ability and time to make so that we can pass them along endlessly through cyberspace. (My only wish is that these folks making them would sometimes run spellcheck or consult a dictionary because the spelling and grammar failure rate is often catastrophic.)

Psalm 55:22 reads, "Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." I'm not certain which version this is from or the context of that particular verse in the psalm although I intend to find out. All I know is that it has served as a stunning reminder this week that I do need to pay attention.

So casting your cares apparently does not mean stressing out to the point of tears or wanting to do something foolish, saying the words but not actually letting go, or believing it for five minutes before you go back and begin gathering those cares up again to stress over through a sleepless night. It means cast. Throw. Get rid of. Kind of like taking your cares to the Goodwill of the Universe and leaving them there to be sorted and dealt with. It means to quit rehashing every atom of that difficulty in great detail and sharing it over and over. In your mind. With your loved ones. They only seem to get bigger that way.

There's nothing wrong with asking for prayer in that situation and bringing someone up to speed. But you absolutely cannot go on and on and on and on and on and on about it and expect anything other than drama and continued awfulness.

I am so not a fan of awfulness.

You cast them ON THE LORD meaning that you expect Him to deal with it. You may not like what that will eventually mean, however. You may not even understand it. But you leave that mess at His door and ask Him to make chicken salad out of chicken whatever. (That's a request I used to get from a former boss that still makes me laugh when I think about it.) Let God take your cares and figure out how to orchestrate relief in the circumstance that is going to be for your highest good. You can be mad if you don't like it. I don't like having thunder thighs either. But I do. Primarily because I like food.

If you do this...HE will sustain YOU. Meaning...you don't have to sustain you. HE will do it. You still have to go through the motions of life as we know it but you don't have to do it with this heavy burden on your back that seems impossible... because it is. To you, anyway.

NOTHING is impossible with God. The Bible says so. Case in point: a woman across town just had a baby at age 47 after 18 years of infertility. It was in our local paper. I cannot even imagine the joy. And having to do night feedings at her age. Mercy. She never lost her faith. I'm sure that it was difficult to sustain...but she did.

But back to the verse...my favorite part is this: "He will never let the righteous be shaken." Meaning: You be and are righteous and He has your back.

Oh, you'll be shaken out of some things you need to be...maybe your materialistic self needs to slough that off. Or He may choose to shake your finances so that you'll pay attention to what you have and will be a better steward of it. He may shake some of your false beliefs to the floor about what it really means to be a follower. He may allow you to experience health issues so that you see who your friends really are and who He really is. He may allow you to experience sorrow, pain, or want.

But what is really important...your faith, your connection to Him and your overall sense of well being will not be shaken. He will stand for you. He will sustain you through the rough water. He will give you peace during it.

I needed to be reminded of that this week. I am not particularly good at walking on eggshells or fearing what might happen. I am more of the "rip the bandaid off" kind of person and if left unattended...I can dream up endless scenarios in my mind that will often be misinterpreted as being negative. I'm not a negative person.

I consider it "facing reality." Or at least potential reality. It is at the core...self preservation. And it is a skill set learned when you fear that you have to rely on yourself instead of having the knowledge that you have someone fighting for you. I developed this over years of feeling like I had to take care of myself because I rarely had an advocate. Or so I thought.

You may spend a period of time under the water wondering if you'll be saved. You'll spend a time wandering around the desert hoping you'll be delivered. Or you may even spend some time screaming, "why, why, why?" at the top of your lungs because you truly do not understand.

You just have to know that the righteous will not be shaken. By anyone or anything. By death, sickness, bankruptcy, job loss, infertility, marriage problems, addiction, fear, or exhaustion. Do not fear. Do not give up. Don't stop believing.

Sorry if I just put Steve Perry from Journey in your head. Maybe it will help.

As for me, I'm just taking a day at a time. Expecting miracles and navigating change. Trying to be my best self but not trying to hold the world on my shoulders anymore. That isn't my job. It never was.

Have a great day and may you know that God has your back today. Whatever it is. Wherever you are. Just believe it. Even when it seems like nothing is going your way. Even when you just want to give up and walk away. Even when someone is in your path that you'd love to set up on a blind date with Karma.

Yes, I know I used karma in a post with bible verses. Work with me here. Just trying to lighten it up a little. And because I honestly would like to do that sometimes.

Anyway, just know you're not out there alone struggling with whatever. And as for me...I'll treasure that picture and the sweet friend that sent it to me as well as the memory of the one in it. I really will.

Crossing Over

I don't know when I crossed over. It was sometime this year, and seems like just a few weeks ago. My best recollection indicates that it was May...but I'm not entirely sure. All I know is that one fine day I looked at my checkbook register and did an evaluation.

And for those of you under the age of 30 who know not what a check register is because you have successfully avoided even knowing how to write a check in this technologically advanced age...it is that paper thingy that is in the checkbook that you've seen your granny whip out when she writes a check at the grocery store. It records the checks that are written because unlike the almighty debit card...it takes a day or so to actually clear the account.

If we don't write it down...we don't remember what we did...and if someone holds our check for two weeks...we feel uneasy because we have no idea if we wrote that check for $3.53 or $353.00. The struggle was and is real. Partially because we must then wait...due to fear of overdraft. Also because more often than not...we won't remember jack squat about that check unless we have carbon checks. Thankfully, I do.

Anyway, I looked at it and thought..."nope." Enough. If where your money is your heart is also? Well, my heart is apparently owed to every restaurant in town, my granddaughter, and LuLaRoe. Only one of the three of those has the capacity to love me back. And seeing as she has plenty of clothes, books and toys, she'd be much better off with more parked in her 529 plan than sitting in her closet.

Even if the ruffle butt smocked bubbles are precious. And they are.

I just quit spending money on stuff I do not need. Not completely...but at least 80% of the time. And I've been shrinking my restaurant and Walmart Grocery consumption down as well. Today's order was primarily food for the shih tzus.

Amazingly, I had money left over at the end of last month despite paying deductibles for my surgery, my Costco renewal, car tags, visitors, a trip to the beach and to Huntsville, an unfortunate ticket for rolling a stop sign (my second in my life so don't be hatin') leaving my neighborhood, and paying down extra on a loan that is still outstanding.

Yay!

I don't know what you do with your money or what it is doing to you. That's between you and your family and God. All I know is I realized that I'm satisfied with what I have. Actually, I'd be more satisfied if I could clear out a good bit of stuff again, and I will do that this Fall. Once the company leaves in the summer, I end up making headway because it is too blasted hot to venture outside and deal with the weeds. I'll do that outside work (actually, I will direct that outside work because Miss Karen doesn't do yardwork the way Big Dave wants it done and I'm dismissed from duty) during November. This is obviously before Thanksgiving when I have company again and want the house and yard to look nice.

I am not saying that I will never buy anything again. I ordered a little dress for Brooklyn last night ($16.99 shipped) for the Fall and I've been trolling the LuLaRoe sites for a black Shirley or Sarah. If you are not familiar with this brand...these are styles named after people kind of like Chicken Salad Chick does that with their various chicken salad mixtures. But if I don't find one or actually decide to buy it? I'll be fine.

What I am saying is that right now, getting the debt that I have paid down as quickly as possible is really what I'm concerned with doing because I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just knowing I could have been out of that tunnel and on to new horizons instead of living it up kind of makes me a bit mad at myself.

I'll get over it, though. I was young and foolish earlier this year. Now I am carrying a cane. It's fine.

I'm thinking now of another mass clean out and seeing if I can get some help to seriously finally finish what I've started. If you have followed...you know I've been on this journey for five years. I'm 87% complete. A strong B+ but not an A. I like A's.

I also haven't forgotten some of the undelivered items that I owe Laurie, Courtney and Deann. I just cannot seem to get them there because two of the three involve serious expense to ship them. The other I'm hoping to deliver on Sunday at church.

Yes, I could give more and have actually found out that I have done that this year. I could live on beans and rice and I may actually try that this Fall because I have to. But just realizing that I've finally reached that stage in life where when someone asks me what I want for Christmas and I reply, "whatever you want to give me...but don't go overboard" - I'm actually a little bit happier about it than I thought I would be.

I'd rather my kids keep their money to travel, enhance their homes or invest. I'd rather not have Christmas be so many gifts and so long to open them. I'd rather have a lovely meal, open one special gift, and be thrilled with receiving something from Kendra Scott or a nice restaurant gift card. A book I haven't read. Time in conversation. Tickets to an event. Or cleaning up my backyard or garage without me having to beg someone.

Okay, FINE, I also need a new purse...but I actually have two in decent shape in my closet. Once those are worn out...we can talk.

I hope that you are out there enjoying life, being a good steward, and that you have the satisfaction of knowing that there is a point where enough really is enough.

And if you are interested in coming all up in this house and helping me get it cleaned out for one glorious moment in time...let me know. Until then, I'm going to just be happy while I can with what I have and be grateful that I am not in want. Be pleased that it is okay. Be happy that time with friends and family is my favorite thing right now.

Off to get on with the day.

On What Is Important

This morning I’m ready for church, trying to keep the shih tzus from being obnoxious and I’m waiting on baby girl to wake up. I’m not rushing her. I’m enjoying watching her sleep on the monitor.

It is a cool morning, relatively speaking, or it may be the fan overhead giving me that impression. I have the door cracked so the dogs can venture in and out since they’ve had a hearty breakfast on paper plates put on the garage floor for their dining pleasure. I didn’t need two fueled shih tzus whining outside the gate helping Brooklyn along on her transition from dreamland.

And now I wait.

I’ve been doing a lot of waiting lately. And I’ve learned some lessons through this process that I may have missed had I never quit trying to do everything. And when I think back now on what kept me so all fire busy, I struggle a little bit to figure out exactly what it was...and wince a little realizing that chasing the wind - something I’ve done too much of - is not a really great use of time.

It isn’t.

You may not know what that is...if you have your priorities straight or you have a personality that insists on healthy boundaries. You may not know if you are incredibly disciplined or will not put up with nonsense. Or if you have people in your life who will not indulge your particular brand of craziness or if you’ve just decided that chasing the wind is not God’s purpose for your life...so you stop doing it.

I don’t know. But what I do know is that it is ridiculous.

I won’t elaborate on my pursuits in this area...but I will say that when you are done with it...you’ll know.

Kind of like what people told me before my “yes” to knee replacement surgery. When it is time...it’s time.

A lot of people out there are chasing money, power, prestige, promotions, education, more, attention, fame, adoration, acceptance, love, thrills, fulfillment, records, medals, trophies, comfort, freedom, retirement, improvement, health, friendships, marriage, parenthood, empires, revenge, the pinnacle and so many other things. Some are worthy endeavors. Most are not.

We chase dreams but sometimes have to accept that we are wrong for the part, aren’t liked, are too old, are too young, are too much, or are too little. We set out to find our purpose only to follow the crowd into wind chasing and dust.

I’ve done it. Most have at some point or another.

Someday, it all seems as ridiculous as it always was. The scales from our eyes fall away. We begin to understand that what really matters is our relationship to God, to those we love and who love us, and the employment of our gifts for the benefit of others.

I have some plaques in my office from the 1990s when I was wind chasing and thought it mattered. A big part of me wants to toss them away. Another part keeps them in a stack gathering dust as a reminder of a lot of wasted time and energy.

I have some workout DVDs from Walmart that are at least a decade old that I never opened because “Walk it Off and Tone It Up” wasn’t happening in my living room. It has to happen in an environment where people are sweating and I hear iron on iron and occasional grunting. To think otherwise is chasing the wind. Sorry, Leslie Sansone...that’s a hard no for me.

I also have lists I’ve made that I will not complete, clothes in my closet I will never again wear, and people I care about that I’ll probably never see in person again. I have travel plans I’d like to make reality, some projects around this house I’d like to see done and some weight on my frame that I’ll probably never eradicate fully.

It’s okay. I can dream.

What I have stopped doing is chasing the wind. I’ve stopped volunteering for everything. I’ve realized that I will never be the best at some things I’d love to be proficient in and I’m not getting any younger.

What I am happy about, though, is that I still have some dreams alive, that I am okay with who I am, and I’m mighty grateful to those who love me and want me in their circles.

Including my children.

In a few minutes baby girl will wake up and will ask for her Mama and Daddy. She’s so incredibly precious. I’m so privileged to live in the same town and to be able to help my son-in-law plan a wonderful day celebrating their wedding anniversary for my daughter.

That is what’s real out there, folks. Love.

The rest of it...is just crepe paper decorations and dust gathering and soul stealing minutiae. Although I do love crepe paper when celebrating someone or something worthy.

I want to live a life where I’m chasing what’s real. What’s good. What’s God inspired and cannot be shaken. Where I don’t have to even think about or hesitate for a second to know exactly what I need to do in any given situation because I have no fear of the wind.

Have a beautiful day and don’t give up even when things look odd or when you have to lay something you thought was important down and then realize it is little more than a paper cutout or airbrushed version of something good.

Off to wake her up or at least make noise and get to what is important and real to me. Being her grandmother and serving others today. The wind can blow all it wants. I’m not chasing it.

Family Vacation - Part II

We arrived at the port and looked at the massive pile of luggage that we were taking onboard.  Where I can go for eleven days to Europe with a bag that will fit in the overhead compartment, I've found that it is apparently dangerous for me to be given free rein with a big bag.  I packed enough clothes for a week, and then had a carry on with everything I had forgotten but needed to shove in there and another small bag.

Five day cruise.  Not thirty.

Granted, I had a full size container of Lysol wipes, a huge can of Lysol spray, full size shampoo and conditioner (WHY? WHY?), two kinds of lotion, things I might need, a first aid kit, two cans of sunscreen, bingo markers for everyone, enough underwear to last for two weeks and what amounted to every wearable piece of clothing I own in case I needed it and five pairs of shoes.

What was not included was a bathing suit, shorts, the top to my pajamas, and AA batteries.  But whatever.  I spent so much time trying to get everything that the experienced cruisers told us we might need that I most assuredly overpacked.  Rookie mistake.

We arrived in Mobile, where getting on the ship is more organized than I'd imagined, and then we went up and around, and here and there, and then finally took a walk up a ramp to get onboard.  Everyone was feeling excited and a little bit ready to see how it was all going to look once we got there.  Brochures or photos online can only do so much.

We arrived at our midship cabin near an elevator (sadly, not the one we really needed to be by but all together.  We unpacked, and then began to explore just a bit.  Found the Lido Deck for lunch and began to get our bearings.  We then pulled away from the dock and were off on our adventure.

Bear in mind that in my opinion...the adventure was everyone getting along and having a good time for five days.  Even sightseeing in Progreso or Cozumel couldn't tempt me.   But then again, that's because I didn't want to pay 25% of the entire cruise amount for one outing.  Even if the tour of the chocolate factory was awesome.  Even if there were adventures to be had that I missed beyond the shops on the pier.  To me, the real adventure was learning how to cruise.

And learning how to sleep on a bed that was a wee bit small for me and remembering to step up when I went into the bathroom.  Learning how to find anything on the boat without getting hopelessly lost.  Understanding that since steps are not my friend right now, patience at the elevators was a must.  That taking breaks for naps with Brooklyn meant that I would have some downtime that I honestly needed more than I knew.  That my goals of enjoying bingo would be seriously curtailed when I realized how much those games cost to play.

The food was fine and there were plenty of healthy options.  Not that the burger I ate on Day 2 would be considered "healthy" by any stretch of the imagination.  But we ate at different places every time and I even enjoyed tea twice while we were out to sea.  Nights were spent together dining in the main dining area - but due to the fact that we were a bit late signing up for the cruise - we ended up in "choose your own dining" - which meant we ended up sitting somewhere different each night with different wait staff.  Some were better than others.  All tried to give us a good experience.

We were on a Carnival cruise - and their specialty was the chocolate melting cake with a side of ice cream.  I believe that each of us had it at least once.  There was enough variety, though, to not want to repeat dinners too often.  One night, they offered us escargot.  Probably my favorite thing that I had on the ship.

The weather was in the 80's, so Big Dave and Brecksyn went down the big water slide a number of times, and we spent a lot of time out by the pool deck people watching and listening to the activities.  Dean entered the "Hairy Chest Contest" and made it to the second round.  He wasn't all into "breaking it down" as much as one guy so he took his participation medal along with a few others and then we sat and watched the two finalists get dressed up as women and start conga lines.  There are sometimes upsides to not being crowned the victor.

The best parts of the trip were sitting around together doing absolutely nothing...although Brecksyn and I did play bingo once and blew $60 in what amounted to fifteen minutes.  Um, no.  I didn't really venture into the casino other than to walk through it to get to trivia - but the guys did.  Both of them were fixated on a "claw' game in there and I'm fairly certain that one came away down a little and the other came back ahead a bit.  Nobody won a jackpot or free cruise or anything, although Dean was there when some guy described as a "huge redneck" won $8,888 in a slot machine.  Good for him.

Speaking of trivia, I went down and found a group and they were very kind.  I offered up a few correct answers and made myself a part of their team.  When we won, I got the participation medal.  It was very unexpected but nice of them.  It wasn't the "ship on a stick" trophy that was also offered intermittently, but it was fun.  And will probably be fun to hold onto until I find a teacher who needs an award to hang on her bulletin board or something.  It did, however, make me feel really nice for fifteen minutes while I wore it feeling really, really smart.

We did a couple of comedy club visits...and due to my early bedtime...we were at the "clean" version.  Both were extremely different and yet hilarious.  We did not get picked on at either although we were a little afraid we would be due to our close proximity to the stage.  It was good to laugh...and other than the singers in the atrium or in the bar as we passed to go to the comedy show...we didn't see any shows.  It was fine.  Folks, I was in bed before 10 most nights because that is how I roll.  But I was up at 6 to welcome room service with my bagel and carafe of coffee.

I truly adore room service.  Especially when it is free.

It was an interesting group of people on board the ship - folks from all walks of life - and in all shapes and sizes.  I'm not judging, but it was a slice of life that ranged from average to truly "what the ?" If you really want to feel good about yourself...get out there sometime.  Just quit judging yourself and be grateful that all you have is Problem X or Problem Y.  I had fun getting to know a few random people that I kept running into like the woman and her completely silent husband from Michigan who knew all of the words from AC/DC's "Shook Me All Night Long" and sang them on the Lido Deck.  Or the lady with the purple hair and the walker who was super fun to talk to.  Or the man in a wheelchair and his wife who were conversing with me during lunchtime one day.  We had conversations with people from every country you can imagine and some I'd forgotten existed.

And every single one of them was enamored with Brooklyn Jean Bolden.

I met some ladies that I did "tea" with both times because I was hanging out lost by the elevator (not an unusual occurrence) and they asked me where I was trying to go.  They didn't know about the tea, and so they decided to join me.  Big Dave felt bad thinking I'd be up there alone, so he joined us just to chat the first time.  All I'm going to say is that I have now had enough cucumber sandwiches to last me awhile and that I've finally truly had a tea where I've had my fill.  It was glorious.

The "having of one's fill" is also something that happens about day 3 of the cruise.  I suppose it is the portion controlled dinners that made it possible for me to see how much better it is when I'm not being presented with so much food that I cannot possibly eat it all.  We are in the habit of taking food home, so it was a little weird to see a smaller portion.  But it was actually quite perfect.  They have that down, by the way.  I was given enough and maybe a tad over.  But not enough to gorge myself on or to leave the table feeling miserable.  I spent the last two days eating a whole lot less than I did the previous three, and I came home not really interested in eating anything at all.  I'm sure that will pass.  But it was a great lesson to learn.  And so far...it has stuck.

We had two stops at Progreso (Yucatan) and Cozumel.  We planned no excursions.  The truth is that it was just too difficult with a party of 7.  We got off the boat at both ports and spent time at a duty-free shop at Progreso and a shopping area at Cozumel.  At the latter, there were two or three other cruise ships there that day, and we had a lovely light lunch at a place called Pancho's Backyard.  We bought souvenirs and tee shirts (Big Dave) and just had a good time.

The trip was not without its little bit of drama, however.  Our cabins were extremely warm for the first two nights...something that took going through housekeeping to guest services to finally resolve.  It is hard enough for me to sleep at 68 degrees in the house...78 is something different entirely.  We ended up with two Carnival bathrobes, Jill and Dean received free internet, two steakhouse meals and a bottle of wine.  Brian and Brecksyn received two steakhouse meals and a bottle of wine as well as a discount on her spa visit.  Once we resolved the temperature in the cabin, the boat ran into some rough seas for two days.  The first day wasn't so bad heading into Cozumel, and we were delighted that the weather was fine for us to go ashore.  But at dinner that night, the captain came on to announce that we were going to be in choppy seas through the next day.  He wasn't kidding.  You know it is bad when barf bags suddenly appear in the receptacle by the elevator.  We spent the last sea day rolling around and basically doing nothing but resting.  Brooklyn was the only one who got sick and it was one and done, bless her heart.

I'll admit to still feeling that rolling just a bit even as I write this two days after getting off the ship.

Towanda only made a couple of appearances...the most notable calling out the family who broke in line to get on the elevator when we'd been standing there.  Naturally, we ended up back in line beside them as we were getting off the boat.  Bunch of jerks.  She also was a bit insistent in guest services since being nice that morning had netted nothing being done by that afternoon.

But all in all, it was a wonderful time.  The trip was reasonable, I had towel animals on my bed every day.  I went to learn how to do it at a seminar they had and did one and was lost at the other.  I now own the book, and Brian's only fear is that he'll come home to find one on his bed every time.  I'm sure that there are worse things that could happen.  And probably will.

Jill turned 28 on this cruise...something that we were able to celebrate as a family.  They gave her a gift certificate to the spa, two pieces of cake, and we had a cake sent to her room.  She had a really lovely birthday and I hope felt as special as she is to us.

I'd highly recommend taking this cruise if you want some family time that is within reason cost-wise and will give you plenty to do and eat and drink and see.  I hope we can do another one sometime soon...and have every intention of keeping my eyes open for good deals down the road.  You never know...I may just get to swim with the dolphins someday.

On an excursion...although of late there are a number of people taking unauthorized dives into the ocean.  Mercy.

Thank you for reading about our little "adventure."  Can't wait until the next one.  :)

Family Vacation - Part I

First post in a very long time, and it will be in two parts, but I wanted to keep this recap in a more permanent form.  I have yet to figure out how to add photos, but I'm not going to worry about that right yet.  There's time to add those somewhere down the line.  Maybe.  Possibly.

The family vacation is something that has been immortalized in Chevy Chase's "Vacation" movies, something that occurs with frequent regularity in many families if the crowds I see at the northwest Florida beaches which are crammed full of tourists is to be believed.  Likewise for every tourist site in other places I've visited such as London, Paris, and New York.  I witnessed crowds in Highlands, North Carolina when my folks lived there every Labor Day Weekend, and we won't even get into what Orlando looked like last year when Big Dave and I finally said "yes" to the Hilton people who wanted to give us three nights for $99 if we would sit through an hour and a half time share presentation.  Knowing he was the "King of NO" after the weddings...I knew we'd be okay.  What I didn't know is that they'd sell our name as a form of punishment to other sites who wanted to give us like trips to see if they could do better and crack the nut of our resolve.

Hilton has been contacted by Towanda on two occasions for that breach of confidence.  They deny it vehemently, but I'm not buying it.  Or their time-share either.  I did, however, enjoy the three nights there, getting to see Epcot after all of these years, and a particularly fun afternoon involving margaritas and tiki glasses in a restaurant.  We still have those glasses, by the way.

Family vacations are unique - like fingerprints.  Some families have a second home that they visit on the weekends.  Everyone gathers there and spends time as a group.  These folks may occasionally plan something different, but they spend a lot of family time together at the lake or beach.  We've been blessed to be invited a number of times to join people and have had the best time.

Others might have a trip that they take each year to Disney World or to a condo somewhere at the northwest Florida beaches.  Some families like to go camping, or to do something educational, or just take off to visit family that lives too far away to see on the spur of the moment.

My family vacations have traditionally been to visit family.  It might involve something fun at the other end or along the way, but it is primarily a long car trip.  We load up, pack a cooler of snacks, try not to lose our minds, and arrive somewhere that is normally not a hotel but someone's guest room or fold out couch.  This has been the pattern of my vacations throughout my childhood and into early adulthood.  I'm grateful for this time...day trips to Disney...some time at St. Simons Island when I was ten...but for the most part the family vacation involved family and more family.  I honestly believe that it was those days of being in my Uncle Jimmy's pool that made me want one so badly in my own backyard when we built our home out here.  It has brought me such joy to watch my children, their friends, and my niece and nephew enjoy it all of those years.  All that is missing is Aunt Lorraine's Charles Chips tins with potato chips and chocolate chip cookies in them that we ate for snacks.

In 1986, my folks, sister, and Big Dave and I went on a family vacation.  We did some touristy things.  Ate well.  Enjoyed each other's company.  Until one got seriously sunburned and the fun turned to trying to get him comfortable.  Fast forward to 2006 to another family vacation.  This time, a group of us went out to conquer London and Paris.  Three days of rain, fractured nerves and exhaustion provided a perfect storm to match the rain that was messing up our (read: my) carefully laid out plans.  I've written extensively about this trip by day...so I'm going to just let that sit right there and keep on going...other than to say that once we got to Paris...things got easier...and I'll never forget hearing the news that Linda was expecting Tara standing by the Arc d'Triomphe as traffic buzzed around us.

This year, Big Dave and I were floating around the pool one lazy afternoon trying to come to grips with the fact that we'd survived two weddings and a wonderful but exhausting foray into the world of grandparenting.  Our kids have lived independently since 2008 for Jill and 2013 for Brian and we've long come to grips with the "empty nest."  There are some things about this that are absolutely wonderful and we've adjusted to very well.   However, several years have gone by and we are trying so diligently to spend whatever scraps of time we have that often find someone or other in the midst of something that is making them tired or frustrated or schedules have conflicted to such a degree that it has proven impossible to get everyone corralled and happy for any period of time beyond 48 hours.

Basically, life has intervened.  That happens.  And now our family is growing.  Brooklyn has a schedule.  We know not if there will be other grandchildren to consider in the coming years.  We all have different work schedules and more to work around.  And since we don't have a beach house or a lake house...we wanted to figure out something that we could all do that would be fun for everyone and not break the bank.

Floating around on the water in the pool that we don't get in nearly as much as we should, we discussed the possibility of paying for a vacation that we could all enjoy.  But there would be limitations.  Things we'd need to work around.  Different ages and interests.  Cost of entertaining that many for that long.  Different goals for vacation time.  It was a big discussion...but very enlightening.

We discovered that all vacations can be broken down into one of four categories.  There is the family vacation...where you spend all of your time visiting family.  The relaxing vacation...where you just want to sit somewhere and read, hike, chill or sit in a beach chair.  There is also the "event" vacation - where you are doing something specific...such as Disney, Six Flags, Dollyworld, camping, or something similar.  And then there is the sightseeing vacation...where you run off of an itinerary and just want to see as much as you possibly can since you may never pass that way again.

Naturally, I have always done family vacations and when we visited Europe, I have since found that sightseeing vacations are my preference.  Big Dave prefers a relaxing vacation where he just sits and does nothing because the man runs from can to can't most of the time and really just needs a few days to sit down.  Both of us are okay with an occasional event vacation...like we did last January for a few days at Epcot.  But we realized on that afternoon that it was time for us to make some concessions.  Big Dave doesn't want to fly.  I don't want to sit at a resort.  We aren't made of money.  His best time to be off is in January.  He likes tropical.  I like tours.

We finally decided that we would consider a cruise out of Mobile, AL if one was in our price range and everyone wanted to do it.  We checked into it, got a great deal on a cruise in January, and counted four other enthusiastic "yesses."  Brooklyn didn't really get to vote on this one.  But we figure that there will be time somewhere down the road for her to have some input.  Loosely translated...at some point we are doing Disney.  All of it.

We booked the cruise as part of their Christmas gift and started the countdown. And before we knew it...it was the Mardi Gras ball in Mobile for LaLuna Servante that Aunt Wendy is in...a day to recuperate in Mobile and then we got in the car and headed for the docks...

For Family Vacation 2018.  :)

Cleaning It Out

Today I have been cleaning out some things in my house that desperately needed it.  Not that I don't go through my closet often to rid myself of anything that I can no longer wear because I'm pretty good about that.  But I'm not so great when something is perfectly good but doesn't exactly lend itself to life as I currently know it.  

Because I've been tied up this week doing invitations for a sweet bride to be and boot camp and training started back this week, I kept pushing everything into cute little piles all over the house and just flat out ignored it all.  Walked right by the Christmas stuff that was accidentally overlooked despite my best efforts to be all organized.  Left a pile of things on top of the dryer including 32 odd socks, a Snuggie, two blankets and enough lint to weave something substantial if I were a true Martha Stewart or Earth Mother type.

Which I so am not.

Yes, I did indicate that I am the proud owner of a Snuggie that I don't use.  Which is honestly the problem.

It is my fervent belief that if I have something in my possession that does not serve a practical, entertainment, or sentimental purpose...I don't need it.  Because like it or not, every item that we own in some measure also owns us.  We have to dust it, put a tag on it, fold it, store it, or heaven forbid pay for a storage facility to house it.  Our lives are simpler if we eliminate that which does not serve us so that we spend no time serving it unintentionally instead.

No, the pictures I have in my home will continue to get dusted because they are important to me.  The little Grumpy Cat doll sitting here staring at me as I write this that was a gift from my friend Andrea stays because she entertains me and reminds me of my sweet friend.  But the plastic salad bowl that I schlepped home from work that originally contained a Zoe's salad because it was too good to throw away is sitting here daring me to find a place for it.  

And I will.  On top of the cabinets in the laundry room where it will sit until I find a use for it or it gets so laden with dust that it is tossed unceremoniously into the trash.  I think of the possibilities...filling it with a meal for a family and making someone's day a whole lot easier perhaps.  But the recipient would need to be mighty, mighty hungry.  

I currently have ten items that need to be returned to one store or another including two vials of red food coloring, three workout shirts, a kitchen item, two Rubbermaid spice organizers that don't fit our cabinets and a plug for the stove we bought six months ago that didn't fit so we used the one from the original stove.  Yeah, the original stove that is currently living on the garage waiting for us to find a part (and now apparently...a plug that fits) so that we can move it to Jill's house to replace the one she has in her kitchen.

Sigh.

I have  really been convicted of this in my life and am determined to correct this in 2015.  There is really no excuse.  I have no children (other than the furry ones) living at home.  I've moved 98% of Jill's things to her house.  Brian took 98% of his things with him to Huntsville.  What remains is truly my problem.

And what a problem it has proven to be.  A perfect storm of someone who likes to repurpose things, who doesn't have time or money (at the same time) to finish certain projects (like curtains)...so I don't even start.  But after a few years, I get tired of the bedspread that is still usable and is too good to throw away.  So I don't.  I keep it.  

For years.

The games that we play once a year, the dozen or so beach towels, and the items that came from my grandmother's house that I don't use but also don't want to part with at this time.  The furniture that I'd like to replace in certain rooms but cannot because one of the kids might want it.  The room of furniture that Jill brought back to fill our study when her roommates moved in with their own furniture.  The maple table that Big Dave and his brother made by hand that sits in the room formerly known as Jill's because neither of the kids is ready for it and we don't have anywhere else to put it after I inherited my grandmother's dining room furniture.

Those are things that I'm going to deal with...but there are a whole lot of things that honestly need to move on to someone else who will need or enjoy them.  Books that I've read once and won't read again, decorations that have never fit my home but I was hopeful one day I'd figure it out.  The four different decors Jill managed to accumulate over four years of college...remnants of which still hang around here like unwanted guests.

I won't even go into the Longaberger baskets that I just had to have in the 1980s that are beautiful...and functional I'm sure.  Or the kitchen items that I never use.  Brian took the garlic press with him back after Christmas break.  He cooks.  And knows that he needs a garlic press.  I hope he enjoys it.  If he uses it once...he'll have used it more than I did.

The acquisition of "stuff" - even if it is acquired from the sale rack, inheritance, or gifts still needs to be managed.  Every so often you have to cull the coffee mugs because nobody needs 47 of them unless you are running a group home or a brothel.  

We're running neither of those around here and yet...

So, for the time being, I am trying to divest myself of 100 items a month for the entire year.  Why I chose that number doesn't really matter...it just sounded like a good number that meant business.  I can give away magazines, books, clothes, and the pair of eyeglasses I discovered in my car's glove compartment today that I can't really see out of that will be donated to whoever is collecting them.  I threw out two pair of sunglasses because I wear prescription ones to drive, both pair are scratched, and I need to buy a nice pair for the beach that costs more than $5 on the clearance rack of Ross For Less.

I want more time to enjoy what I have and to know what I have.  There's a freeing sensation that comes from just letting some of this stuff go.  Plus, I get to bless others...which totally rocks.  It'll be an adventure - this going through every drawer, every cabinet, and making decisions as I clean out this house.  

Because it is time...

Okay, FINE, past time.  Stay tuned.  I'm sure there will be a story or two in there somewhere.  

Update From the Trenches

I ran into numerous wonderful friends today while showering some brides-to-be...some that I haven't seen in awhile...and several of them noticed that I'd lost some weight.  I suppose I can understand how shocking it might be to see someone lose a considerable amount of weight in a not-so-considerable amount of time...but alas, it is what it is.

I'm grateful, by the way.  And I don't mind telling the story...it never gets old to me.

One question came to me at church today that I haven't had asked so far from a sweet lady who I am not friends with on Facebook or that I interact with on a regular basis.  She's seen me around but apparently didn't register who I was until today.  She stopped me and asked me if I'd had surgery. I suppose that's a fair question...but since I've been so open with everything for the past nine months...it caught me a little bit off guard.

No, I did not have surgery...although I did consider it.  Why wouldn't I?  I was 140 pounds overweight with no turnaround in sight.  I accepted who I was and my friends and family loved me anyway...and believe it or not...my health numbers were always very good.  With regard to the surgery, I researched it fully and had some testimonials from people I trust completely.  My issue was that I knew that if I had the surgery but didn't find out how to fix my problem and change my lifestyle...it would just be a temporary fix.

But more importantly, my spirit kept telling me that this was a battle royale that God was going to fight through me.  And He has...and is.  But that is my story...and for others who quietly wrote another one that has also had amazing results...that is not judgment.  The bottom line is that we are all trying to get healthy.  I think we're getting there.

My biggest challenge right now is being comfortable.  Settling for "good enough" instead of "great."  Celebrating too many things too often.  Not making my limits as stringent as they need to be.  Getting frustrated when weight loss slows to the 1-2 pounds a week that is considered healthy instead of the cosmic leaps and bounds I experienced several months ago.

But there are the little changes.  The pushing to do something I didn't know I could do.  The fact that I ran a 5K (3.1 miles) without stopping on the treadmill on Saturday just to see if I could instead of the two miles that I intended.  

I am grateful to be getting some things right...but I cannot just say "BOOM!  DONE!" at any point because I'm not done.  Far from it.

I explained to a friend this weekend that my issues with food are very similar to those of an alcoholic or a drug addict.  I'm addicted to a substance.  The only differences are...mine is legal...and I have to partake of a certain amount of it to survive.  I am not pretending that my food addiction is anything akin to the hell that people addicted to other substances are...but if you've never been there...you honestly do not know.

So, management of it is critical.  I'll never be cured and will always be subject to the whims of well meaning folks who want me to drink a little of this or eat a little of that in the name of fellowship.  I have to be extremely careful in that regard.  Not crazy...but careful.  Because all it takes is a few days away from eating correctly and a week off from the gym and I risk a relapse.

So I keep going.  I keep trying.  Continue striving to move toward the goals I've set for myself.

There is something beautiful about people on a mission.  Folks who are enthusiastic and passionate about what they are doing.  I get that because I am attracted to people who just love what they are doing because it ramps up my hope that I can have that same experience.  I believe that a lot of folks have seen a dowdy 50-something woman try to transform her life...and have been unbelievably kind to me in the process.

One person reminded me today that "you do this..." meaning that I lose weight and then gain it back. It's true.  I've done that.  But I've never been set up as well as I am right now to succeed.  I've also understood that this battle is the Lord's and not only my own.  It feels completely different somehow.

I know that I'm waxing all philosophical tonight as I think about some of the conversations I've had this weekend...from people that I've known and loved as friends for years.   Who are ready to join me in trying to live their own dreams by finding their authentic selves.  Who aren't ready to just have the part of their lives where they feel fit and good behind them.  Who realize that 60 is the new 40.

I have learned so much these past few months that I wouldn't even know where to start listing.  I suppose the biggest lesson is that physically...90% of it is what you eat and 10% is about exercise.  That your success is 90% your attitude and 10% everything else.  That it is never too late...and that most of what you hate doing in the gym is what is going to eventually have to be dealt with because that is what is going to help you the most.  That when you run...for the first ten or so minutes...your mind will try to get you to stop.  If you keep going...it will eventually quiet and your breathing will regulate.  I didn't know that because I'd never run for ten minutes before.  Not really.  Running is about 90% in your head and 10% in your body when you first start.

I have met people who have been helpful, people who are threatened by my changes, and people who keep talking about my "willpower" or "self-control."  Hardly.  I just removed failure as an option.  I still do.

My reason for writing this is that I need to put in writing that I am just a few pounds away from having 100 pounds off my frame.  100 pounds.  1-0-0.  I need to get past that number so that I can address the 40 pounds behind that as well.  I've come a long way...but I still have a long way to go.

I realize that there are people reading this who are wondering how to get 10 pounds off rather than 100.  Well, you just do it.  You just decide.  You stop eating crap.  You commit...and the teachers will show up.  They certainly have for me.

I'm grateful to everyone who has said a kind word, shared some encouragement, given me tips to do better, inspired me, helped me stay faithful to the program, exercised with me, passed down some clothes, loved me when I was heavier and still love me now, or prayed for me because you knew I needed it.  All of that has made a difference.

And still is...