My Favorite Things - 11 - 20

In an attempt to keep my hands and mind busy (and therefore, not in the vicinity of the kitchen), I'm focusing on things that are my favorites in life.  At least today.  The list changes, you know.  I mean, I've been a huge fan of mint chocolate chip ice cream for my entire life.  But that was pretty much when getting an ice cream cone with exotic ingredients was a treat...not an everyday occurrence. 

Growing up, we had vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry or the gosh-awful combination of the three...neopolitan.  In my house, everyone would combine the chocolate and vanilla (primarily the vanilla) and the sad little strawberry would get ignored until we were desperate.  We also had trips to the Dairy Queen for soft serve...or McDonald's for a sundae.  I still find it a little difficult to eat the McDonald's ones, though, after cleaning those sundae machines on Sunday nights.  I won't elaborate.

Getting cool ice cream normally involved either a Baskin-Robbins, an ice cream parlor, or a Howard Johnson's if we were on the road.  Yes, they used to have ice cream in the HoJo, and it was good.  These days, while I am grateful for Blue Bell ice cream (but not what it does to my resolve, thank you very much)...I no longer covet mint chocolate chip like I did as a kid.  Vanilla is only purchased as an ingredient to go on top of something else...like pie.  In fact, I'm more likely to go toffee than anything else anymore...or Publix' Santa's White Christmas ice cream every December (except that I normally have to get it in November when they actually have it in stock.)

All of this talk about ice cream feels just a wee bit counterproductive. 

Moving on...

11. People That Do Impressive Things

I have friends that do wonderful things...and I have those who do things that impress me to no end.  Take my friend, Michele, who counsels people in crisis, my friend, Bonnie, who teaches special needs children (although she's retired this year, she has three part time jobs in the field), my friend, Michelle, who not only bakes amazing things in her kitchen but she has just received a PhD in education (and has convinced legions of kids that she is the Queen of Zaire), and my friend, Kelley, who teaches calculus...to super-bright kids.  My friends from home, Kim and Kathy, were news anchors, and my friend, Marcy, is currently a weather diva on a local TV channel.  I also have a friend, Lisa, that travels everywhere and does so much cool stuff that I am just in awe, and my many friends who have done breast cancer walks, run marathons, started cancer support groups, and taken care of ailing children or parents. 

Seriously, people, you totally rock. 

12. Dachshunds (or as I spelled it for years..."Doxens")

I am the proud owner of a shih tzu (Dixie) and shorkie (Rebel) and probably will stick with that breed from here on out.  However, my friend, Pam, has the most hilarious thuggish in-your-face dachshunds that I've ever seen.  One of my favorite things is to see pictures of her dogs in various action scenes and then have the fun of "captioning" the photos.  We crack ourselves up with this...and yes, we are easily entertained.  Because of Pam, I will never see a Dachshund that I don't like...and I will always assume that they are up to some thuggery.  Because they are. 


Pam is also one of the funniest people on the planet.  Which brings me to...

13. People That Make Me Laugh

Life is hard sometimes...but just when you think you're about to have to eat a crap sandwich, someone will make light of it all...and it takes away the sting.  I love the people in my life who do this...and who do it sometimes without even meaning to.  There is nothing more unattractive than laughing so hard that you cannot control your facial muscles (or some other parts that we won't go into here...) but I highly advise it.  In fact, it is really almost mandatory, in my humble opinion.  So, thanks, Carrie, Pam, Kim, and one of my favorite authors, Jen Lancaster, for making me laugh. 

A lot.

14. Pride and Prejudice

Okay, I read this book about once every other year, and I watch the movie (with Keira Knightly...although I've been told to watch the other version with Colin Firth as well) at least once a month.  I have no idea why.  Well, maybe I do.  Don't all of us want to find someone who is our perfect match?  And those of us who are married...don't we love to cheer on those who aren't married yet?  Why else do we get so fired up about hearing about upcoming nuptuals, how he proposed, or some sweet story related to a couple?  Because deep in our hearts...we all want to be valued, pursued, and won.  Maybe we're reliving our own story or cheering someone else on...it makes no matter. 

And seriously?  Who wouldn't be all fired up about Mr. Darcy being a great guy under all of that original conceit and being rich to boot?  Come on, you all know it's a cool story.  If you haven't read it...you really should unless you have serious ADD.  If you do, just go on http://www.pinkmonkey.com/ or http://www.wikipedia.com/ and get the storyline.  Then watch the movie. 

15. Christmas

I love Jesus' birthday and everything associated with it.  I enjoy shopping, wrapping, cooking, baking, visiting, singing, and even as of this year...church musical programs.  Yes.  Finally.  I've gotten over the cantata aversion.  We are a "real tree" family and my house doesn't exactly look like Southern Living...but it always looks pretty to me.  The schedule is usually crowded...and I'm usually happy.  And even if I'm sick as a dog during Christmas...it still is a time of wonder and joy to me.  So, yay!

16. The Beach

Some of my best memories are at the beach.  Primarily in the panhandle of Florida at Inlet Beach...but also at Panama City, Ft. Walton and Destin, Gulf Shores, AL, St. Augustine Beach, and even the beach in California that I visited at age 18 with my uncle.  It matters not when...I'm usually super-happy to just be sitting in the sand reading a book and watching the world go by. 

I have had trips scrapbooking at the beach, visiting family, attending conventions, hanging out with my high school girlfriends, and last year, we celebrated Jill's 21st birthday at my sweet friend Judy's beach house.  It is a place that makes me stop and think and breathe.  Some people may prefer the mountains or the ski lodge...but me?  It's 100% the beach. 

17. Max Lucado

If I had to pick one author that has made a huge impact on how I view the world...it has to be Max Lucado.  He's a brilliant writer and the man just makes me think.  I've read everything he's put out there except for the newest...but it is on my nightstand.  Yes, he's a Christian writer.  But he takes the everyday experiences that we all have and intertwines biblical truth through those and weaves out the most amazing books.  I encourage you to read them if you never have.  He's an active preacher in San Antonio, Texas, and he's the real deal. 

18. Bonefish Grill

For years, Big Dave and I celebrated everything worth celebrating at Red Lobster.  For the past three years...we moved the party to Bonefish Grill.  The cost usually makes it only for special occasions...but we have found that the food and service are excellent for a chain restaurant.  So, it makes the list just on the basis of being my favorite chain restaurant.  Sorry, Red Lobster.

19. Spode Christmas Tree China

About 25 years ago, my friend, Molly, gave me a plate and cup and saucer of this pattern as a Christmas present.  I didn't have enough money to just buy a set outright, so over the years, I'd pick up a little bit here and a little bit there to add to my collection.  That collection has grown to a ten piece place setting with tons of serving pieces that I love bringing out and using every Christmas.  I even found a shower curtain in the pattern (at 75% off at Bed, Bath and Beyond...and then I had a coupon on top of it...score!) and hand towels that take the pattern into the guest bath. 

Yes.  I know.  Obsessive.

But the truth is...I love acquiring the pieces that come out each year.  I remember who gave them to me (primarily my sister, Linda) and I love using them to set a festive table.  For a decorating challenged person...having cool serving pieces makes me look like I know what I'm doing.  Which, of course, is one of my favorite things in itself.

 20. Piggie Park Barbecue

For those of you living in Thomaston, Georgia, you know of what I speak...but the rest of you probably don't realize that this is the best barbecue in the world.  I have no idea how they get the pork so tender and chopped the way they do...and the sauce!  Oh, the sauce!  Anyway, I used to eat the hamburger (scrambled) until I learned about the barbecue.  I never turned back...and that's not to say that the hamburger wasn't good...because it seriously was.


Enough of the food talk. 

Anyway...that's my second list...with more to come.  Thanks for reading. 

My Favorite Things 1-10

One of the funny things about denying yourself something is that it is really easy to start focusing on what you don't have.  If you let that take hold in your spirit, then eventually you start feeling like all of the everyday blessings you have (and take for granted) are tired, worn out and unworthy.  Oh, please.  Save yourself from that!

This morning, a friend on Facebook posted pictures of his barbecue.  Seriously!  He is a competitive grillsman (don't know the exact wording for this and really should since my brother-in-law, Bill, is as well, but whatever) and he is proud of his craft.  Where most of us put photos of our children and grandchildren on Facebook...he put his barbecue's picture on in all of its amazingly delicious-looking glory. 


Incidentally, barbecue is on the "no-fly" list for me right now along with sugar and bread. 

But you know what? Instead of pouting because I can't be face down in a plate of that pork...I am praising the fact that somebody somewhere is going to have some good eatin' tonight.

Good for them.

That's the attitude I have to keep to stay on the right course.  To focus on my favorite things instead of what I'm giving up.  I've had enough focus on giving things up.  For years, actually.

So, here's the 2012 list of my favorite things.  Other than #1, these are not in any particular order.  Most of you who know me know that these are on the list, but you may or may not (care or) know why.  I'm putting it out there anyway because I seriously need to get my mind off that barbecue. 

1. God.

Although obvious, I'm not going to start any list of my favorite things without putting Him at the beginning.  In the past, I have not been as bold about my faith as I now feel compelled to be.  Why?  Because I thought if anyone knew me and some of the things I've either done, thought, or been involved with that they'd think I was a fraud.  And then I thought...if Paul could do it...so can I.  I don't care anymore if people think that I need to keep my faith to myself.  I refuse.  I'm tired of trying to fit in, not attract notice, or wait until I get it together.  Oh, please.  Right now, He is calling me to be bold. So, bold I will be.

2. Tim Tebow

Want to know who inspired #1 in part?  Yes.  Timmy.  I have been a fan of Tim's since I saw him begin playing for the University of Florida.  At first, I was impressed by his athletic ability.  That quickly changed to being impressed by his Christian walk.  I don't care where he ends up in life...I'm a fan.  A big one. 



So he had issues in his first year as a starting quarterback.  Give him time.  I don't care if he's as talented as the pundits want him to be.  I know whose team he's on...and if David could slay Goliath with a slingshot and a stone...Tim can pour them all a cup of shut up juice.  I believe this.

3. Foo Fighters

I won't elaborate a whole lot about this since I dedicated three four blogposts to this a few months ago at http://www.mypointsintime.blogspot.com/2011/07/beginning-part-i.htmlhttp://www.mypointsintime.blogspot.com/2011/07/stuff-happens-part-ii.htmlhttp://www.mypointsintime.blogspot.com/2011/07/everything-else-part-iii.htmlhttp://www.mypointsintime.blogspot.com/2011/07/in-conclusion-part-iv.html

The truth?  I just love the talent.  And the music.  And the band.  I could do without the language.  Seriously.  But my favorite?  Here it is...

4. My Extremely Extraordinarily Amazingly Talented Friends

I have friends who can do anything.  Anything!  They are painters (Nedra, Jamie, Barb, Traci and Gina), decorators (Judy and Marion), cake makers (Paige and Debbie), daylily growers (Andrea, Chrystie and Kayla), seamstresses/embroidery wizards (Sarah and Ellen), writers (Ruthie and Courtney), culinary divas (my Apples of Gold friends), and others that inspire me in many other things that they do in just the regular course of life.  I have prayer warrior friends, organizers (Beve and Lisa), card-makers (Cindy), and encouragers (Bonnie, Laura, Julie, Libbie, Bobbi and Julie Ann). 

Talk about blessed!  Every friend I have has made my life richer.  From my golden friends to my newest ones...all are a gift from God.


(Images used without permission...but I hope they'll forgive me!)

5. Health

In spite of everything I've managed to do wrong...God has blessed me with the gift of health.  And what a gift it is. 

6. A Loving Family

I have been married for 26 years to a wonderful man, and I have two children who have exceeded my expectations for them.  I have wonderful parents...and in-laws. The extended family is loving and wonderful and supportive.  I cannot be more blessed in this regard.

7. Gerard Butler and Channing Tatum

It is fun to go to the movies and enjoy watching two actors who seem normal and in Channing's case...happily married and proud of it.  I am a huge fan of both...for some obvious and some not-so-obvious reasons. 


(Yes, the picture of Channing is with his wife, Jenna.)  Love them.

8. Coffee

I enjoy coffee.  A cup in the morning and an occasional run through Starbucks to treat myself make me immensely happy.  Even more fun is to get a really great barista or ordertaker at Starbucks.  The guy working in the drive thru at Starbucks last Friday night (at Eastchase) made me giggle and I even dug out a tip although I'd used my debit card because he was so incredibly charming.  Not flirtatious...charming.  I mean...how can you not want to tip someone who says "whatever you wish."  Seriously.  He prepared my house blend small coffee exactly as I asked and smiled as he did it. 

9. Chick-Fil-A

One of the things I'm really going to miss about my new eating program is the french fries at Chick-fil-A.  However, I do enjoy a giant Diet Lemonade from time to time.  Or every day.  Whatever.  Besides, what's not to like in seeing people move it to get you through quickly, smiling a lot, and staying "my pleasure" every other breath.  I also like that this is a privately held company, Christian-based, and successful in spite of the fact that they close on Sunday.  Good for them.  Plus, the commercials with the cows are clever and hilarious. 

Come on...you know that's funny.

10. FatWallet.com

I was introduced to this website by a friend (who can save more money than anyone I know) several years ago.  Over time, I have found more deals than duds, and am always pleased with what I get.  The link is http://www.fatwallet.com/ if you are interested in checking it out.  Sometimes they put things on there that are a little bit weird (my most recent one in this category was the "portable bidet")...but just last night I ordered 1,000 envelopes (2 boxes of 500) for $6 shipped.  That will keep Big Dave in envelopes for the entire year and then some.  Rock on.

Okay, I'm feeling a lot better now and don't feel any inclination to want barbecue.  What I want is to be obedient to God about this weight issue I've been struggling with for far too long.  FAR too long.

I hope that you focus today on your favorite things, too.  I'm putting #11 to 20 of mine on here later on.  After all, I never get tired of counting my blessings!

Strongholds

Several years ago, one of my obsessions led me to start a weightlifting program.  I read book after book, and actually spent big dollars on magazines that touted wellness, weight training, and living an active lifestyle.  I read the autobiography of Arnold Schwarzeneggar and started even using protein powders.

Yes.  Me.



What you may not know is that I actually made some progress.  My weight was held down with aerobics classes, and I worked really hard to try to budge the scale.  Some weeks it worked...some weeks it didn't.

Over time, I got less committed to writing down everything, and the weight slowly crept back on.  A few more times I've actually done this...until sometime about six years ago...I just gave it up.  I've been regretting that decision ever since.

Most people have things in their lives that they classify as weaknesses or something with which they struggle.  It can be as simple as an obsessive desire for chocolate or the inability to spell.  Struggle is just part of being human, isn't it? 

But there are struggles...and there are STRUGGLES.  And no matter how strong you are...or how strong you think you are...sometimes they go from this to THIS before we even realize it. 

So what do we do when we do realize it?  Well, that's easy.  We adjust.  Right?

I mean, with my weight, that's exactly what I did.  I started buying bigger clothes.  Tried vegetarianism, low fat, low sugar, and Weight Watchers.  I quit wearing certain items of clothing, and I quit attending some social functions.  I was happier at home or with friends that I knew no longer saw what was on the outside because they were primarily concerned with the inside...or at least I like to think so.

At some point, the adjustments get more and more stringent, and the foundation of a stronghold is built.  Walls of denial are erected along with the mortar of shame.  Eventually, quite an impressive structure is constructed...and you find that you are standing in the middle of it...chained to the floor. 

Uh-oh.  Yeah.

Through the years, my family has learned not to discuss it, my friends have overlooked it, and the majority of my acquaintances couldn't care less.  Kind of like the 800-pound gorilla in the room, though.  I considered myself blessed that my health was holding out and I believed that people loved the real "me" because they couldn't possibly love what they were seeing.  I know I didn't.

That's the thing about strongholds.  They'll convince you of all sorts of nonsense.  You'll be able to justify the most ridiculous behavior and you'll even hide your gifts under a bushel when we are clearly directed as Christians not to do so.  I've blamed comments by a close family member, tough times in life, and even stress for living in bondage.

Because bondage is what happens with a stronghold. 






















According to http://www.truth.org...%22spiritually/ speaking, Paul defines strongholds as an “argument or high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God”. A stronghold is a point of operation from where Satan can keep the unbeliever captive or the believer incapacitated. See 2nd Corinthians below:"
3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,


2 Corinthians 10:3-5

And how does one demolish a spiritual stronghold?  Two weapons: The word of God and prayer.

There is a visual representation of armoring the body in Ephesians 6 for spiritual warfare.  Sometimes, though, we get taken captive and dragged off into a place we never intended to go.  I'm quite sure that what applies to me in food probably applies to someone else in materialism or pornography.  Pick your poison.

The truth is that this is a battle that we cannot...and should not fight alone.  You have to be public about it and ask people to help you get through it.  You have to want nothing more than to glorify God in the process.

That's where I am right now.

Yes, I wish I had taken the initiative to keep those workouts regular and taken steps to lose weight a long time ago.  But you know what?  There is only so much that one can do in one's own strength.  We can have willpower and success and overcome some mighty nasty habits.  But at the same time...when we are trying to do this AND are under spiritual attack...well, sometimes that's just a recipe for disaster. 

Some people don't believe that spiritual warfare exists...and if you don't...well, that's your opinion.  Personally, I believe it exists...in fact I know it.  I live it.  And while I take full responsibility for my poor eating choices, I also know that the level at which I've experienced issues with food have compromised just about every facet of my life. 

That had to stop.

I don't know if I'll ever be the gym rat I was back in the day with my little notebook and dedication.  And frankly, I don't care.  What I do care about is honoring God in my food choices and in trusting Him to not let this ridiculous stronghold continue to exist in my life. 

Today at church (specifically...Sunday School), the demolition team came in.  They prayed over me and I trust that the chains have already been broken.  God has sent someone into my life that has given me the plan I'm following, my husband and son are "mysteriously" (yeah, right) interested in healthy eating right now, and I have people who are standing by me and praying for me until this stronghold comes crashing down.  

Frankly, it already has.  Witnessing the aftermath is only a matter of time.  I believe this.

If you see me, don't ask me anything but about whether or not I have been faithful to living as I believe the Lord intends for me to live.  I'm counting the days of obedience...not the pounds.  I'm not concerned about looking "good" - but I'll take feeling good.  That would be a change.  A welcome one.

In the meantime...please keep praying...and I'll keep trusting God.  For those of you who don't understand all of this or think that I may be just a little nuts with all of this sugar deprivation...just know that while that might be somewhat true today...this boldness to be speak the truth is the answer to prayer. 

And for that I am very grateful. 

Testimony

I am a blessed woman.  I know this because my life has included a family that loves me, the ability to have done most of what I set out to do in life, and friends that have been sent to remind me that God loves me too.  My family pretty much has to love, like or tolerate me.  My friends chose to...which, of course, totally rocks.

God adopted me into the family of faith when I was ten years old at a Pat Terry concert at the First United Methodist Church in Thomaston, Georgia.  I begged my mother for the money to pay for an album and she gave it to me.  I played it often and remembered that night.  I don't remember the exact day, unfortunately.  Getting the album was actually a big deal because I didn't ask for a whole lot except at my birthday and Christmas...but this was different.  I was different.  I went home and said my prayers on my knees outside my bed for the first time although I'd said "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep..." for years.  My mother didn't know what had gotten into me and told me to get up and get into bed.  I did.  And over time, not really having a clue what to do with what was going on on the inside and being completely unable to understand much in my King James Version Bible (although I realize that it is the preference of others...and no judgment here...) I pretty much rocked along.

Then the teen years hit.  And the narrow road became an interstate.  In Atlanta.  At rush hour.  But when I look back on now...God kept me out of some serious trouble...but gave me enough of it to realize just how close to the ledge I was when I look back on it. 

I'm eternally grateful that I didn't jump.  Metaphorically speaking, of course.

When I was 22, Big Dave and I married and we were still about as clueless as two young people could be.  Of course, Dave was 27 at the time, and I figured he had more of a clue than I did.  He thought the same thing.  We did have the good sense to go to Frazer Memorial United Methodist Church because Keith Waldrop (now a pastor at another successful local church) went to the same gym and kept telling him, "see you at church!"  Dr. John Ed Mathison was also doing a devotional minute on a local radio station, and Dave liked that.  The only input I had was that I grew up Methodist (as did Dave)...so we thought a Methodist church was where we'd end up...eventually.

So, we started going.  Sporadically.  We were both in school at night and sometimes we made it...and sometimes we didn't.  We finally graduated and saved up a down payment, and ended up in a neighborhood of young couples (Deerfield) in Montgomery, Alabama.  Our next door neighbors were the Hands, and they also went to Frazer.  We finally joined when I was pregnant with Jill in August 1989.  I'm sure that I was a vision of loveliness up there in front of the congregation all massively pregnant and all. 

Naturally, we went to Sunday School with the Hands, and ended up in a wonderful class taught by Bill and Joy Todd.  From this class, a ladies' bible study started...and I started growing spiritually through Sunday School and the bible study.  I started reading everything I could get my hands on (including the NIV version of the Bible) and watched God do miracles such as increasing my understanding and providing us with money to pay off a debt and increasing either mine or Dave's salary just before both of our children were born. 

I learned that it was okay to be bold about your faith and even got over my initial difficulty of singing in Sunday School and holding hands to sing "Bind Us Together" in church.  My home church was friendly...but they didn't do things like applaud or hold hands.  Frazer did.  It took a little while for me to adjust.  Some of the confidence in the Lord that I have was developed during those years when Joy gave her testimony, sweet Jean opened her home, and Julie kept encouraging me to be more of a Proverbs 31 woman.  In addition to them, friends like Jo, Wendy, Kim, Nancy, and Debbie fed me spiritually by just being who they were.  I doubt that they really understand the impact that they had.  They were just being godly women.

But it mattered.  To me.

The Todds moved back to Birmingham, and we ended up attending a class or two before ending up in a huge class and had the privilege of learning from John Schmidt both in Sunday School and in Contemporary Worship.  After John Ed retired, we had difficulty adjusting to his replacement, and even thought that we might need to make a change.  But Big Dave said, "No...we're going to stick this out.  We have friends and commitments here."  So we did.

And then Patrick Quinn and Tim Thompson were hired. 

They have been such a blessing.  We're so glad we stayed.

We've ended up back in regular worship listening to Pastor Tim but we enjoy hearing Patrick preach as well.  And about six months ago, two friends invited us to Sunday School...something we had not done in years.  I'd kept up my reading, but we really needed some Christian fellowship in the worst way.

It took us two weeks to join.  Talk about a blessing!

We are in Tom and Marcia Calendar's class now, and we have a group of committed Christians in there that are loving us and giving us the confidence to grow again. 

About that growing thing...

I've been spiritually growing...but I've also been physically growing for the past ten...okay...almost twenty-three years.  Out...not up.  I've let misunderstandings, stress, unhappiness, and fear build a stronghold that has become quite the devil's playground. 

I've been through every weight loss program that I felt decent about (Weight Watchers, First Place, and even a few visits to a doctor), exercised religiously (on at least three long term occasions) and even had some success a year ago.  Unfortunately, I began to get caught up in MY success, and MY goals, and MY weight loss number.  As if I could break that stronghold on MY own.

Impossible. 

I have had weight issues for most of my life.  It started with binge eating at age 8.  Fortunately, I was so active that it didn't show much until I was in high school.  A bout with an eating disorder through college kept it down, but after I got pregnant with Jill (a pregnancy that included preeclampsia and a 95 pound weight gain)...I've struggled. 

First I gave up bathing suits, then shorts, sleeveless blouses, anything that had to be tucked in, the regular ladies' department, high heels, lingerie, bras with any shape whatsoever, dresses, capris, jeans, clothes that fit, suits, formalwear, and pretty much everything but stretch pants, tops that cover my hips, flat shoes and a sweater that I'm about as attached to as Linus was to his blanket. 

I refuse to give up anything else.  And I'm not going to scare people by being all "WalMartian" and wearing it anyway. 

I don't feel good.  I don't look good.  And God created something for me to do in this life (because I'm still here) that I worry might be negatively impacted by the message this stronghold I've allowed in my life is screaming at every person who comes in contact with me.

Because we all know it isn't polite to mention someone's weight.  Even if it is obvious that they need help.

So, I'm going back to a Kay Arthur study that that ladies' bible study group did all of those years ago about the armor of God.  I'm using a visual that a Facebook friend, Lori, put on her page.   Actually, I really like to see myself this way.  Maybe with a little more pink, but whatever. 

 
You see...I want God to be glorified by the demolishing of this stronghold in my life.  I don't care how many pounds I lose...I care about how obedient I am being.  I don't mind it being difficult...I just don't want to let Him down.  I also don't care how long it takes.  All of "this" didn't just jump on there overnight.

Right now, I want to honor the 10 year old girl in me who heard the truth and who has been chasing it ever since.  I want to forgive the 18 year old girl who was trying on different personalities because she didn't believe the one God gave her was enough.  I want to encourage the 27 year old new mother who was learning and growing with a group of women who were doing exactly the same thing.  I want to love the 48 year old me who is tired of being tired, overweight, and insecure about it.

So, here we are.

I just hope that those of you who actually read this will pray for me.  Not that I will be glorified...but that my obedience will glorify God.  I need to be public about this struggle, because I don't think you can tear down a stronghold in your life without help.  God has allowed this in my life to grow my faith...and I am taking that challenge.  But you know that we have a formidable enemy that has been prowling around in my life...and I need help.

Serious help. 

However, I also know already that God will be glorified through this struggle of mine.  Every day that I stay on track is one less day that I am failing to be all that God intends.  I know that He loves me...and I'm ready for the adventure that I am undertaking.

Please pray.  And as my sweet friend Bonnie's cup (she brought it to me today to encourage me) says..."Friends love at all times" (Proverbs 17:17)...I am asking for you to help me through this as my friends.

Thanks.

On Guilt Trips

As I started to write this...on January 6th...I was looking at two Santas, two snowmen, the words "Noel" and "Joy" and two Christmas trees sitting on top of my kitchen cabinets.  If it is bad luck to keep your Christmas decorations up after the New Year...then this house was in serious trouble.

The rest of it was boxed up and was sitting in the family room just waiting for someone to get up enough gumption to place the ridiculous number of boxes carefully back in the attic until November...or December...or whenever I can bribe the people who can actually scurry up the ladder and drag them down for me to do so. 

Oh, who am I kidding?  Bribe?  Seriously?  Why bribe them when taking them on a little guilt trip will suffice.  After all, I'd only requested that this be handled for a week.  I'd done my part by boxing it up and stacking it in neat little rows.  The actual activity of helping it make its grand exit up those freakishly scary little stairs that extend ten feet in the air through a hole in the ceiling in the hall...is for the boys.

First of all...I don't do ladders.  Not when there are two perfectly capable red-blooded American males living under my roof.  Secondly...I somehow believe that everyone ought to share in the unpleasantness around here...and quite frankly...boxing everything up was about as much unpleasantness as I cared to be involved with at the time.

Thus, the guilt trip.

I may not have traveled much...but I've got lots of stamps in my virtual passport for guilt trips.  I'm a Southern woman...don't we all?

In the South, we know that everything that we do is a reflection on our families...so we try not to do anything that might cause an older member of our family to call us with something like..."Honey, I just received a phone call from Mrs. *insert name* who told me that she saw you at the game last Saturday.  She wasn't sure if you saw her or not.  But she saw you..." 

It is at this point that you hope beyond hope that you were not doing anything you shouldn't have been doing.  Or that it ended up on Facebook.

There are also versions of this for everything from weight gain to thank you notes to the mother of them all..."have you called your grandmother/mother/father/aunt/grandfather/uncle/brother/best friend from high school/neighbor who always asks about you recently?  No?  Well, you might want to rectify that situation because I'm going to see him/her at the DAR meeting/church/AARP meeting/lunch and I'm not making excuses for you again."

Between us, I never ever really WANTED to rectify that situation.  But I did. 

And I'm glad I did...because now some of them are gone and I don't have to get on the "Guilt Trip Express" to Regretsville.  Eventually, that prodding turned to a deep appreciation for these folks and now that I'm grown and from time to time unappreciated myself...I am even more in awe of what drove them to love me in spite of it all.

Guilt trips are not always negative...sometimes they are just a way to jerk us back to reality...to get us off of the wide path and back onto the straight and narrow.  People who love us enough to tell us to "act right" and "quit being so selfish" are doing us a huge favor, actually.  We may not like it at the time...but waving that little guilt wand from time to time is usually extremely effective in teaching us how to be more loving.

Because sometimes being loving has to start with action.  Doing something for someone because it needs to be done and because they are special to us means that we have to "die to self" and put whatever it was that we wanted to do on a back burner for someone else's good.  We don't "feel" particularly loving, but we make a conscious decision day after day and eventually we realize that more often than not feeling follows action. 

Raising children has certainly given me this perspective.  When they were little and sleeping, I'd go in their room and touch their soft little faces and my heart would almost burst with the joy of the knowledge that God had entrusted them to my care.  But colic, teething, toilet training, the "biting" phase, and the teen years were no picnic...I won't lie.  There were times when I didn't particularly like them very much...but I always loved them.  I just kept doing what needed to be done.

Including sending them on the occasional guilt trip.

I don't mean to sound flippant about that or to try to make it sound as if I believe that we should try to control or manage people by trying to make them feel guilty.  Not at all.  But making them hear the truth from someone that they'd rather not disappoint?  Fine.  Especially if I'm paying their bills.  I have always tried to make sure that my standards were consistent and God-given...but sometimes I've been wrong.  I haven't been fair...didn't know the whole story...or I just assumed the worst. Sometimes they felt like they had to live up to my impossible standards.

Hey, at least I had them. 

I do realize that some people will send you on those guilt trips while making you think that it is all your fault when it honestly isn't.  They are the kind of folks who just have to pick apart something out of some sense of superiority.  I've learned to steer clear of this kind of person...and I've been quite effective at it.

But you know my favorite?  How about the person who makes you know that you can be better because they are measuring up where you fall short...and they don't have to say a word.  I think that this is why so many people have a problem with Tim Tebow.  It isn't him...it is how they feel in comparison to someone being bold for Christ.  If they aren't believers...they think it is a show and that it is ridiculous...so they mock him.  Like mocking someone who is a Christian is anything new.

I have two friends that exercise religiously and watch what they eat.  Their bodies don't carry extra weight...and neither looks anywhere near her age.  When I am with them...they are nothing but encouraging.  "You can do it!" they say.  I never see a look of disdain for my poor food choices...nor do I ever feel judged.  And yes, I want to be just like them.  But I'm not wracked with guilt because I'm not...just the occasional twinge that I interpret as "motivation."

I try to keep it real, but from time to time I probably miss the mark.  I wish I didn't, but I'm human.  I want to be an encourager and an example. 

Some days I just feel like a terrible warning.  But I suppose that's okay, too.

I'm finishing this up several days after I started this post and I'm looking at the blank spaces where the boxes once lived.  I still have my Christmas china stacked up on the buffet, so I'm not completely out of the woods yet.  Big Dave has promised to fix something for me so that I can put the china in a new home...and that hasn't quite happened yet.

Oh, but it will.  Trust me on this...

The Last Semester

Tonight I am sitting here having just hugged my daughter goodbye so she can head back to Tuscaloosa for her final semester as a college student.  I could go on about how fast it has all flown by (it has), how exciting it must be to be a student at the University of Alabama in the Nick Saban Era with winning football teams less of a sacred hope and more of an absolute expectation.  Her Crimson Tide experience from 2008-12 has included an SEC Championship in 2009 and two National Championships (2009 and 2011) sandwiched between the loss of a pledge sister in the April 2011 tornado and two other sorority sisters in car accidents in a one year period.  The highest highs...the lowest lows.  Pretty much...life.

She has been in a wonderful sorority (Phi Mu), is friends with people I know only by name and football number, and she is getting out in the four years that we made her pinky swear she'd do.  When we dropped her off at Tutwiler Dorm with something like 934 of her soon-to-be BFFs on a day in August 2008 that was so incredibly hot that I was shocked that we didn't all fall out after waiting for one hour for an elevator to the 11th floor...I never dreamed time would move so quickly. 

That room in Tutwiler that she occupied was more of a cell than an actual room...but she and her sweet roommate worked on it until it resembled something that they felt was "cute" and tolerable.

Or something like that. 

I've been to three years of Rush in the Phi Mu house, moved her in and out of two apartments before insisting that she make her final move into the sorority house with her pledge sisters.  She loves it.  I pretty much knew she would.  Eventually.

And now she is on her way back to take four classes two days a week...and start beating the streets for a job that may prove to be difficult to find and oh so elusive...so that she is off of our payroll come May.

Okay, that part made me smile.  A little.  That "off our payroll" thing. 

I think the best things in life are with us for such a short time.  But time rolls on...and things change.  I even heard today that the parent company that makes Hostess Twinkies is filing for bankruptcy.  Not that I've personally purchased a Twinkie in years...but just knowing that they might one day be unavailable along with Concentrate cereal (Kellogg's) and any given nail polish or lipstick color that I ever get attached to...makes me a little sad somehow. 

Sometimes we see the passage of time as little ones grow from arm babies to toddlers to kindergarteners.  We see the kids that have hung out at our house head down the aisle.  We see the puppies that we finally get housebroken and stopped from tearing up the furniture getting a little white around the muzzle.  People retire...businesses consolidate...people move away. 

Or we see our baby girl load up her car and head back to school for her final semester of college.

One day, I suspect that she will look back and start missing things about here that she'll fondly remember on a quiet night when she is hating her job and wondering exactly when Mr. Wonderful is going to sweep her away somewhere fabulous.  Or at least somewhere tolerable.

I'm sure that she'll find that I'm not the control freak that she sometimes accuses me of being because I try to stop her from making some of the mistakes I did...cold.  It seems harsh, I'm sure...but I figure if I'm still here to write a bad review for something...that she might want to take that into consideration.  Fortunately, she listens about 90% of the time.  I am so blessed that she does.  I know this.

Someday, she will realize all of the sacrifices that it takes to get a child here, raised, and launched, and will let me hug her for as long as I want to....something that she doesn't really see the point of today.

She's like her Dad in that way, unfortunately.  But he's learned over the years to just let me hug him as long as I want and I'll eventually get enough and move on...and his life will be the better for it.  Or at least easier. 

But she also inherited his common sense and a sense of being a solid person.  She does what she says that she is going to do and she expects other people to do the same.  She doesn't play mind games because she's far too literal.  She knows her place in this world (valuable) and how amazing she is because her Dad, her family, and some of my dear, wonderful friends have filled her to the brim.  She knows what she should expect - no, demand - in someone who wants to win her heart (beginning with a great deal of effort...because if they aren't willing to do that...they'll never survive a marriage.)  She is indecisive (a gift from my mother along with great beauty) and sometimes it takes her a few minutes to figure out if you are kidding or not (which comes across as being "blonde" sometimes...but it really isn't).  And yes, she can take it if you are...her PawPaw, uncles and cousins have teased each other so much that she's not even remotely thin-skinned.  She is organized, sweet, thoughtful...and she's a planner. 

Boy, is she ever.

Which brings us back to the point where we are right now.  She's headed off for the last semester...and for the first time neither of us really has any idea what God has in store for her.  When she was leaving high school...it was a matter of "which" college...which was easily decided.  Now, there is more than what to do...it is where to live...what to pursue...and a whole host of other unanswered questions.  She is going to have to make decisions and choices...and may even have to develop skill sets in negotiating and sales...just to put that marketing major she's working toward to good use.

But I've realized that what she does after this semester may or may not involve me.  Perhaps she will seek my counsel...or maybe she want to figure it all out on her own.  Maybe she will make plans to move somewhere far away doing something that makes her heart sing.  It could be that God will bring Mr. Right to her and he will help her make some of the choices.  I honestly don't know...and I'm okay with that.

What I do know is that I trust her to make good decisions.

I have to, you know.  She's almost 22...and I honestly don't want her living in my basement after graduation.  Primarily because we don't have a basement.

Those of you with little people still at home...hug them tonight...even if they don't really want you to...and don't worry about their show of disdain.  It's all pretty much an act anyway.  If you are doing your 32nd load of laundry and feel like nobody cares if you are drawing breath...don't worry about that.  God knows.  He really does.  Just know that it all goes so very, very quickly.  I was just counting down the sixty weeks until she graduated from high school...then she did...and four more years have flown by. 

Flown.  By.

Time changes things...and we can focus on that unknown bend in the road, or we can trust that God is already there preparing a place.  It is my hope that she will graduate this May with some inkling of what is ahead of her...but it is possible that she may not.  And that's okay... it really is.  She'll figure it out.  Eventually.

After all, she's her mother's daughter, too.  

Sometimes I Wonder...But I Always Really Know

Sometimes I wonder about things that happen...the timing...the hassles...or the hilarity of something.  I hear of struggles that people are facing and I cannot for the life of me think of any reason that makes any sense to my irrational little mind as to why someone has to walk through a valley not of their own making.  I hear of bad news delivered from doctors, Fox News, or someone's employer.  Little children are put through heaven knows what while prayer warriors in sixteen states are steadily knocking on the gates of heaven with appeals for healing.  People do everything right except that one time they ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Natural disasters...a twist of fate...eyes averted for a second.

And sometimes I wonder...but I always really know...that we live in an imperfect world.

If we get all caught up in the whirlwind of what is going wrong, we find ourselves in something like the Land of Oz where nothing is as it seems and where witches and flying monkeys pretty much say it all...

Because, seriously, what is worse than flying monkeys and green tinted witches? Okay, don't make me answer that...my 10th grade picture comes to mind...

Of course, there are other bad news stories...families crumble because someone has to go find "him/herself" and cannot be bothered with things like commitments or someone else's welfare.  There are break-ins and break-ups, and even some breakdowns.  People expecting other people to succumb to their list of expectations, demands, or needs. The whole "if I can't have you...no one can" mentality.  Bullying.  People suffering every day and for what? 

And although sometimes I wonder...I always really know...selfishness. 

It is the root of most avoidable problems in this world.  We want what we want when we want it and it matters not who gets in the way.  It is also extremely difficult to recognize because most people aren't totally selfish...they are something in between.

Other times, I feel like I'm as excited as the recipient of excellent news...and I'm twirling around like Julie Andrews on a hillside in my mind...

The truth is...sometimes I wonder...but I always really know...that it is moments like these that keep me from just giving up.  I'll even borrow someone else's joy and jump up and down and go "yay!" with them because it is so much more fun than giving in to things not working out the way I want them to.

Sometimes giving up seems like a far easier row to hoe.  But when have I ever done anything (other than gain weight) the easy way?  Answer: Never.

Lately I have been under the weather...which if you actually consider the term "under the weather" it makes little or no sense.  (Of course, my 90 second internet search indicates that this term comes from rough weather on the seas and getting below deck where one is less inclined to be seasick.  Sounds as rational as any, I suppose.)  I've also been wrestling some mighty big alligators in my mind.  A couple of them have moved on or been slayed, but not all.  When I am feeling low physically, emotionally, or spiritually, those alligators seem larger than life.  Couple that with Christmas let-down and sugar deprivation and you get...well...me.

Sometimes I wonder what I should do when I feel like this...but I always really know.

Pray.  Hope.  Trust.  Expect.  Love. 

(And stay away from the Reese's peanut butter cups.)

I am at that place where we are shelling out the dollars for the last semester of college for Jill and looking at what she will be doing just a few short months from now.  While I am beyond grateful to not have to figure out how to scrape up funds for any more semesters...I'm also having to cut those apron strings and accept that my opinion will not matter as much in a very short time and not panic as I do so.  I realize that she can take care of herself, can manage her finances, has a good head on her shoulders, and has been through a pretty rigorous course of study in icky things like statistics and economics and has survived.  She even did well with Rush...and that is about as stressful as it gets right there.

She is strong, growing, beautiful and smart and is going to make somebody a truly wonderful wife someday. 

And lest you think that I don't worry about Brian...I do.  But right now he's fine.  And I'm super happy about that.

And sometimes I wonder...but I always really know that I'll eventually look back at this time and wonder why I stressed so much and trusted so little.  I'll wish perhaps that I had done things just a little differently...but I'll be mostly content with how everything just somehow managed to fall into place.

Yes, I'm trusting that God has a better plan for Jill's life than even I can conceive at this point in time.

I realize that I'm waxing a wee bit philosopical tonight...and I'm probably going to read back over this and wonder why I didn't track down some B-12 vitamins and just let it go.  But part of being me is putting my finger on the tender spots of my heart and trying to diagnose exactly what is going on in there.

Sometimes it actually makes me feel much better.  Sometimes not. 

What I know is that in less than 48 hours my girl will be headed on an adventure and then back to college for her final semester.  Eventually the Christmas decorations will make it back to the attic and the laundry room that looks like a locker room will be back to its usual mundane self.  And then I'll be back to missing her terribly.

That "missing her" part is something I don't even have to wonder about.  I already know.

And hopefully someday she will find just the right person to walk with her in this adventure called "life."  I know that he will be wonderful and will pursue her and she will know.  Or at least I hope it will be that way for her.  She certainly deserves it.

That is something else that I always really know.