Blonde Moments

Tonight I was in Bed, Bath and Beyond to purchase a couple of items. After wandering all about the store chatting with a friend on the cell phone, I approached the counter with my two items and two coupons. One of the two I presented was one of those codes that you write on the receipt after you call the toll-free number to rate your experience. I had checked to insure that the expiration date was in line...and it was. I made sure that the dollar amount was within the parameters of the coupon and was standing there waiting for the purchase to be completed.

"Ma'am, I don't know why this coupon won't work..." as the clerk scanned the barcode and squinted at the register. She called the "MOD"...which I figured out meant "manager on duty" and then looked at the full length of the receipt I had presented with the code neatly entered underneath. It was then when she looked up at me with a mixture of pity and "I've been there before" and said, "Um, ma'am...this coupon is for Bath and Body Works."

Yeah. I'm blonde. Bed, Bath & Beyond...Bath and Body Works...whatever.

Did I mention that the curtain rod I purchased in this mortifying transaction was too short for the two windows and double door that I needed it to span in my living room? Not that Big Dave didn't measure it for me this morning or anything. And yes, there is quite a large difference between ten and thirteen feet...no fudging that...so back it goes. Oh!...the horror.

I do come by it honestly, though. My mother is quite brilliant...but she did once place a call to me on the cell phone we preprogrammed for her to ask me how to call people who didn't have a preprogrammed number. I suppose it was as if the term "cell phone" implied that the word "cell" cancelled out its usage as a "phone."

Her lack of direction is legendary. It was reported that she drove around a field at night looking for a "horse" at which she was to take a left turn...except that it was a sawhorse rather than the living and breathing kind. She later realized that looking for an actual horse would have been an exercise in futility as it would have likely moved all over the pasture. But never mind that.

Once, she drove straight through six exits in Montgomery through to Hope Hull, Alabama before she called me to report that she missed Montgomery. Or the time she called me forty-five minutes into a a ninety minute trip to tell me that she had gotten off at Exit 6. Unfortunately, it was in Columbus, Georgia rather than Montgomery, Alabama.

I've had times when I've shown up somewhere completely unaware of the dress code or I've forgotten the name of someone I've known for years. I suppose that everyone does that. I grew up answering to "Jean Harry Pitta" which was the name my grandmother most frequently called me. She knew better, of course, but she just started down the roster...

And then there are times when we find ourselves smack dab in the middle of someone else's blonde moment. For instance...someone forgets where they are and to whom they are speaking. Ever had anyone tell you shockingly personal information and you are sure that they have had a brain lapse of major proportions? Although quite hilarious, these conversations are often "OH MY GOSH" moments that make us feel like we are in the middle of the "Rocky Horror Picture Show" dancing with Tim Curry in his opera hose and garters.

But enough of that imagery. Egad.

Just last week, someone had an employment application faxed to them at work. Never mind that several people are all on the same e-mail based fax number. This translated to having a whole host of people - including her boss - aware that her fax had arrived. As Ricky Ricardo would say..."guess she has some 'splainin' to do."

I guess I'll just hope that tomorrow when I return the curtain rod that the lady who waited on me tonight is not behind the register. Then I'll head over to Bath and Body Works and use my coupon before it expires. If I wake up tomorrow morning and remember that plan, that is...

Blonde moments...those times when we find ourselves defying logic...ours or anyone else's. Mostly funny when we are relaying someone else's moments...not so funny when we find ourselves standing at the check out counter mumbling incoherently and fumbling for excuses. I thought the "guess it was all of the B's" one that I used before I ambled out of the store all red faced and trying not to whack people with the curtain rod as I made my hasty exit was somewhat understandable.

Oh, it's funny NOW...I mean...it's OVER and all. I just hope my mother will still be speaking to me after this blogpost. Here's hoping!