My Week

Part of the downside of writing is that sometimes you feel like you are putting something out there and that life's busyness keeps other people from reading your offerings. This may be a good thing sometimes as after a particularly busy week myself...I REALLY want to get all snarky and give in to my inner redneck. So, I'll just assume that a small audience will be reading this as there have been fewer comments than pounds lost of late...which I never really thought were correlating factors...but whatever. (By the way, love you, Mom and Ralph! Keep reading!)

It has been a week. A W-E-E-K. One of those that you are kind of glad to see move on because you go from one extreme to the other and up and down and all around either enjoying life immensely, wondering where you went wrong and yet strangely wanting to laugh hysterically at how random it all is. So, I'll pull back the curtain and just throw some situations that happened this week so that you'll know what I am talking about.

In other words...welcome to my world...

My children attend a private Christian school and have since 1996. Through the years because A) I am a working mother and B) I was not born in Montgomery...I found that I did not get the "room mother" assignments and was instead relegated to the dreaded "games at the Christmas party" status. This was primarily because nobody really wanted the job of corraling 25 sugar-fueled kids who were getting out that afternoon and couldn't care less if they got a worm on their apple that day or not.

I survived. And because of this...I got one of the two coveted positions for the graduation reception. It's rather difficult to mess it up...because generations of uber-organized women have created notebooks that have every conceivable question answered. But, there is one freelance page called "lessons learned" that the former year's chairmen get to write as they pass on the five inch thick notebook that weighs twenty pounds, a one inch notebook for the other co-chairman, a two inch notebook with pictures from 2003 forward, and individual notebooks for the ten committee chairmen which include matching printed titles on the covers. I kid thee not.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm just glad I can quit wound licking that I didn't get to be the cheese straw chairman in 2007. I'm now SO over it.

Well, the notes for the class of 2008 were written by someone with a wonderful gentle spirit and the ability to make each of her points appear as if written by a heroine of a Disney movie. The notes for the class of 2009 were pretty much going to be "ditto"...so I just jotted down a few comments last Fall and then shoved these observations into into one of the notebooks. A couple of days ago, the senior coordinator asked me for the updated notes. Um. Well. Let's just say that MY updates were just a bit more "me"...which may or may not be a good thing.

For instance...as written by a Disney princess: "We tag teamed so that we each had time to go home to dress and arrive fresh and ready to go."

My version: "We tag teamed so that we were somewhat coherent as it is a mother of a long day and don't even think about wearing heels or you will be laughed at...a lot."

Or perhaps this one...

"Be sure to call the *name of business* and make sure that you have the sandwiches delivered by 6:00 pm. You will need to place damp paper towels over the sandwiches to keep them fresh for graduation."

My version: "Be sure to call the *name of business* and make sure that they have the sandwiches delivered by 6:00 pm. Insure that they don't slip any egg salad (or heaven forbid...tuna) in there. No. Just no."

Oh, it will be FINE. There are only 64 mothers who will be mad if we mess this up. Like that's even possible with the notebooks and all.

Another day this week I went to help serve dinner for the kids doing the play. Other than cutting up celery with a plastic knife like some kind of MacGyver episode gone awry, it was fine. There were a gazillion kids, and other than the fact that I had a personal summer somewhere in the middle of it, one of the juniors was throwing up in the bathroom with a stomach virus she tried to fight because "the show must go on", and I was fighting my amazement over how much everyone has grown up over the past two years...it was cool. I really do love to help. Plus, my ability to empty huge bags of trash...a skill set I mastered in 1979...at McDonald's...is always a plus.

Another day this week, I was at the school for a meeting for the French trip that is offered every other year. It costs a ton o'dollars, but it is a great trip that is limited to 12 participants. Brian wants to go, but he is in the third group that she'll accept applications from...and I find this annoying. The sophomores currently in French II get preference over kids who finished French II last year...which I find unfair. I'll see if he gets accepted...but if not...sackcloth and ashes will be an understatement. They truly don't want that. You'll have to trust me on that.

At another point in time this week, I was waiting at a bank for the drive thru teller to get it together. Apparently she was having issues with one or both cars that I was behind...so I remained uncommitted to either line. As I looked in my rearview and saw nobody there, I saw a lady racing to beat me to the line that had just cleared. Oh, she was honking her horn like I had done something wrong as she almost took my mirror off to get by me. I will not elaborate any more...but I will say that this particular female Philistine with her white trash manners infuriated me. She then got through before I did...which made me even MORE angry.

The old heifer...

I spent time this week on the phone with a friend who was calling me to listen to her concerns about the realities of college scheduling. These days...if you want your child to graduate in less than seven years...you might want to familiarize yourself with the ins and outs of the various requirements of your child's university and the department of the chosen major. It's not like they are going to read anything to figure it out on their own. That's part of the evil plan to keep them tethered to your checkbook for as long as possible. I can't afford more than four years of college. After all, I've been paying someone to educate these children since 1994.

Another memorable phone call was a screaming match with one of my children about certain paperwork that was required to be submitted. I knew this because I had researched the situation. The last straw were the words..."but I trust my advisor..." Any parent knows that those are fighting words. This particular verbal exchange was as I was sitting in my car in the parking lot at work...the car that has a political magnet on it because a friend asked me to put it on there. Yes, I'll vote for him, but I am now a rolling billboard. Guess I can check that one off of the bucket list.

I also almost came unraveled at the people who are putting in new cable outside the bank. They parked something that was extremely loud outside my window and this was droning on all afternoon. Yes, that helped my productivity this week immensely...not.

If you are still reading...I hope that you can see that my need for a great night's sleep and a huge serving of chocolate are not only justified...they are truly for medicinal purposes. It's either that or a case of Little Debbie's.

Tomorrow's agenda includes the actual cleaning of my house. One of the downsides of regular time versus daylight savings time is that I can easily justify not cleaning dirt that I cannot see. If I CAN actually see it...I am usually headed out to work or to church. Tomorrow is "no excuse Saturday" so...I'll be up to my elbows in gradu by 7:00 am. Yay me.

On that note, I'll bid adieu. I hope that you have read this, but judging by the lack of comments I've gotten lately...I'm just as likely to believe that you are not. It's okay, though. I love you anyway.