The Funk

Today has been a halfway decent day.  Other than the fact that it was Monday (I guess every seven days just IS), it was raining (we needed it), I'm still fighting allergies (probably to dust) and there has been entirely too much drama in my personal life lately (and the lives of everyone I know)...it wasn't too awful.  There were things to look forward to, things to enjoy, and a whole lot to be grateful for. 

Yet...I am still in a funk.

For the past several days, I haven't known what will turn the tide, or what will make a difference.  I've tried all of the easy solutions and they have all come up empty.  I've allowed myself to rest more, eat more, and do less...but to no avail.  I've had a recent pedicure...so that's out.  I've been reading my books from the library.  I've even baked.  I've planned for Christmas, hunted bargains online, and talked to a lot of people that I care about.  I've savored my coffee, watched the sun rise this morning and spent so much time with my dogs that they are looking at me with eyes that say "Really?  More lap time?"

This morning it lifted for a little as I looked out the windows in the family room at the sunrise.  It was casting purple reflections on the windows, and I was fascinated by that so I got up to have a peek.  I have an extraordinarily large gardenia bush that lives just to the right of the windows...in exactly the same spot that Big Dave would like to put pavers in and relocate his grill.  I just can't deal with having it moved. 

I planted it nine years ago when we moved to the house because a yard without gardenias just didn't feel like home.  Gardenias were my grandmother's favorite flower, and one of my mother's as well.  Both of them rooted gardenias from blooms left in water, but I've never been successful.  I'm trying again, and it looks promising...but it's early yet. 

We have a total of three bushes now because we had to move (unsuccessfully I should add) one because it was in a bad place too close to the house. I refuse to let this other one go if I can possibly avoid it.

I've totally digressed.

Anyway, I looked outside...and on November 15th...in the wee hours of the morning...there were blooms on the bushes.  There were about a dozen white blooms just sitting out there waiting for me to discover them.  I couldn't believe my good fortune.  The gardenias should have been gone months ago.

As I looked at my other two bushes, I saw that there were a couple peeking out from one down by the pool.  I went down there to retrieve them...and on my way back...noticed that all of my rosebushes are blooming. 

I'm so serious.

Needless to say, my office smelled like a florist's shop today.  I loved it.  A sea of paper on my desk and two styrofoam cups loaded with blooms.  It totally rocked.

Even though life has seemed to be no fun lately, I felt like God allowed this connection to my grandmother to let me know that all would (eventually) be well.  You see, the gardenia bushes normally bloom in May.  Since she died in 2004...they have also bloomed in August...the month of her birth.  They have never bloomed three times in one year.  When I saw the blooms this morning I thought to myself...I'm not alone.  Life isn't as hard as I am perceiving it.  Things will get better.  I am loved.  God is in control.

Of course He is!

I think that I'm going to use those eight words (God is in control.  Of course He is!) to remind myself that whatever I'm perceiving may or may not be reality.  I mean...what I am thinking is something negative may actually be something positive in disguise.  I just can't see it until I get far enough down the road to be able to look back and have the "aha!" moment. 

I don't really know why some things work out as they do...but I suppose that the best thing to do is take a deep breath and expect the best.  To look for roses in the rain, and the lovely scent of gardenias in November.  Things that come out of nowhere when we least expect them.  Those are often the sweetest and most memorable points in time.  They can be something as simple as flowers blooming out of season...or people arriving in our life in God's timing and not ours.

Because God is in control.  Of course He is!

I need to focus more on that...and less on the mayhem that has been stealing my joy.  When I do...the funk will be a distant memory.  I'm looking forward to telling it goodbye.