Today I'd like to write something funny or enlightening or even entertaining. But I have absolutely nothing particular on my mind. I rarely have days off without plans, but due to the weather and my need to have some uninterrupted "me" time, I've spent the majority of the past four days in the house. I left for church, but other than that...I've been within the four walls of my home...and I have liked it.
I have worked most of my life. My first job was as a newspaper inserter at age 14, and for the most part, I have worked ever since. Most of these years I spent chasing a career until realizing...like many of us do...that work is a job that is a means to provide for the people that I love. It is something to be respected, but it shouldn't follow you home.
It is not often that I have time to myself. I steal some away at nights to write or I work on numerous short term projects. I detest housework, but I do break down every now and then and get that taken care of for the comfort of my family. I've been blessed with a husband who doesn't mind keeping the kitchen clean, and has the ability to make a room look clean once he's been through it. This ability is sorely lacking in me, and is a definite benefit.
Now, as I sit here, I realize that my inner introvert is very happy with my own company, an old movie on TV, and this computer. I suppose that in all of those years of trying to balance everything...I got incredibly tired. It is exhausting climbing that proverbial ladder that is on the wrong wall. I expended a lot of effort, and I probably wouldn't do most things differently than the way I did, but I certainly did cram too much life into too little time. Over time, it just becomes a way of life...something like second nature.
So, today, when I had an entire day to myself...why did I do nothing terribly practical? Why did I not tackle that giant to-do list? Why do I not want to get out of my pajamas?
I guess the older I get, the more time I want to spend experiencing life or just resting, and less time managing the maintenance of stuff. I want to know what is going on in the lives of those I love. And I want to invest less time and energy into things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
Today was a nice day. It was quiet and cold and had no agenda. There was no mail to sort and no pressing chores that needed to be done. I could have thought of a few, but just couldn't muster the enthusiasm to do so. I've just spent the past 24 hours breathing in and breathing out.
Somewhere, there are friends who are not so fortunate. And in other places, there are friends who are happy and excited about the future. I just know that for all of us, we need these days that are like the pause button on the DVD player of our lives, to allow our spirits a chance to unwind.
In a few minutes, I'm going to get dressed and run a couple of errands. I have a busy week on tap starting tomorrow. But for now, I'm just savoring the oasis of "no demands" in my sea of busyness and demands. I know that I've certainly needed a respite. It is just so difficult to justify when there is so much to do and so little time.
I suppose the solution is to just be grateful for the time that we have that is unallocated. Maybe we normally invest that time into caring for others, but sometimes it is best if we lavish it on ourselves. Especially those of us who have families that get the best we have to offer most of the time.
Maybe I'll take a bubble bath before I head to Walmart...hmm.......