Worst. Shih Tzus. Ever. (Okay, PROBABLY)

This was sent to a friend today...but it really needs to be shared...because, well, you know...that whole "misery loves company" thing.  Here goes...

So, it is a fact of life that trying to do anything the day before or after a holiday is a bad idea.  I mean, just try to go to the grocery store today and you will learn the true meaning of misery.  There will be lines of people waiting to purchase something stupid that they forgot like rice or artichoke hearts or celery.  And they will all be behind the woman with 73 coupons who just had to do her Thanksgiving shopping in the midst of the rush of today in case she forgot something crucial to making something that she saw on Pinterest.  The cashiers will all be new, or slow, or inexperienced…because the good cashiers have all been around for awhile, this isn't their first rodeo...and they knew enough to ask off for the day before Thanksgiving in January.

I give you that background to show you that I know better than scheduling the dogs to be groomed the day before Thanksgiving…but I did it anyway.

Why, you ask?  Because I am obviously out of my mind.

I told Dixie last night that she was going to be “beautified” and she knows that this involves a car ride…which she always loves…and a lot of attention when she gets home.  Plus, she gets the added benefit of being able to see...since right now she resembles a sheepdog.  Riley knows nothing of this word “beautified” – his vocabulary is limited to the words he hears the most…”Riley, sit, shake, down, ti-ti and bad dog.”  So, while Dixie was prepared to jump in the car this morning, Riley was most definitely up for a game of “chase the puppy” through the wet grass at warp speed because why obey when you can be wild and free.  When I say “chase the puppy” – I mean chase…not actually catch…because I’m old and tired and fat.

C’mon.  It’s true.

So, after three trips around the yard...with me in lukewarm pursuit...he finally goes up to the house, gets enticed into the house and then thinks he is about to get a treat.  Yeah, he thinks that because I'm holding it a few inches for his nose in the hope that I can distract him enough to nab him before he takes off like a rocket again.

It is at this point that I am able to grab him, put a leash on him, and give him a piece of my mind (in between gulps of air).  He didn’t get the treat, by the way.  Dixie did because I was just that mad.  I’m not rewarding that behavior or I’ll just get more of it.  Oh, who am I kidding…he’s a shih tzu.  Of COURSE, I’m going to get more of it.  They are stinking cute dogs, but they are a general pain in the butt as a rule in equal proportions.  Kind of like the male people my daughter's age.

So, I get the leash on, and he thinks that he is having no part of it.  He sits down.  He glares at me.  He struggles.  He is furious.  And then he learns that Mama has had about enough of his antics, and I will literally drag him there by the collar if need be.  He got to the car by equal parts of compliance and dragging.

Frankly, the whole thing reminded me of Jill's "Portrait of a Two Year Old" photo.  

I finally got him into the car, and during all of this...Dixie is throwing down on the treats that he totally didn't deserve and he is just sitting in the floorboard of the car looking at me through the hair in his eyes that I am trying to pay people to fix if he will only cooperate an iota.  He wants me to hold him, but since I am dressed for work, and he is basically soaking wet from his foray through the wet grass this morning…I think not.

We drive on to Petco (where the pets go…and because they do a decent job and are near the bank) for the appointment.  I then have to figure out how I am going to get a wet puppy (while in work clothes), a dog with a loose collar that has been known to take off (because all she needs is an excuse), Riley’s papers (since he’s had his rabies shot and they won’t groom him without proof) and my purse into the building without killing anyone…myself included.

I realize quickly that Riley is not going to come to me by getting up and walking to the driver's side and is going to stubbornly remain on the passenger side of the car.  Dixie is anxious to get down and she is ready to GO, so I pick her up so that I’m not chasing her all over the Eastern Boulevard.  I then get my purse out of the trunk, and then go around to the passenger side, unclick the lock and scoop him out.  I try to get him to walk, but he is again having NO part of the leash, and I have to get his papers, so I pick him up as well.  In the process, I realize that the papers are wet because Dixie’s underside was wet as well from her last ti-ti before we left the house and she’d been wallowing all over them in the front seat of the car when she wasn’t trying to get into the back seat of the car so she could look out the windows and whine at a pitch that was not only annoying but ear splitting.  Then I take three steps and I drop my purse.  I have two dogs, the wet papers, and my purse on the ground.  Yes.

Let’s just say that anyone driving by Petco at about 7:40 this morning was probably entertained.  I can only hope that I don’t end up on YouTube.

I get into Petco and the lady asks 500 questions about how I want Riley groomed and what we can do to Dixie.  At his point, I turn around and see Dixie making a ti-ti in the floor of the waiting room.  Yes. Yes she did.

They got that cleaned up and we got Riley situated, and then Dixie.  I left there ten minutes later questioning my sanity.  Not only in making this appointment, but for owning dogs.

All I can say is that he had better not look like a rat when I pick him up.  I’m frankly a little worried about that.  Or worse..that I'll hear.things like "Well, he’s cute, but he’s a spirited little thing.” Or something equally horrible.  I suppose that Rebel broke me in on a lot of that (yes, we had to send proof of his rabies vaccination to the U.S. Postal Service via fax).  And then I’ll have to apologize to them for bringing my very bad dogs into their facility on the day before Thanksgiving...which also happens to be something like Half Price Bath Day which has got to be some kind of fresh new Hades for the employees of the grooming salon..

UPDATE:  Picked up the two very bad dogs and was waiting for someone to drop a bomb on me by telling me that they were banned from the facility.  Nope.  Both were perfect angels.  No issues grooming Riley...and he was one of the easiest puppies they have ever had.  Dixie was a real trooper and she was sitting there acting like she was the most well behaved creature on the planet.

They didn't fool me one bit.

Both are clean and groomed. That alone is a miracle.

The ride home was uneventful...and they have spent the evening fighting over the toys that I bought them at Petco on the 2/$5 rack so that maybe...just maybe...Riley will take up chewing dog toys and lay off of the cords to the electronics.

As if.

Bottom line: Even when they are a huge pain in the rear...they are totally worth it.  And somewhere, I can just imagine that Riley is composing a blogpost titled "Worst. Human. Ever" for leaving him to be "beautified" in the first place.