Friday, March 16, 2012

Day 1

Oh, I know what you're thinking..."This poor girl thinks that she has to write 365 blogposts about what she is going to do with herself this year...which will last about oh, say, about a week?"  (And you would be right...because life tends to go on overdrive...) 

Or maybe you weren't thinking that at all.  You were thinking, "Please tell me that something has happened to this girl that she can relay to me that will make me laugh and make me stop thinking about the closet/garage/car that I need to be cleaning out." 

Don't we all love a diversion?  I know I do.  In fact, I pretty much rely on diversions.

I had a pretty incredible birthday yesterday in spite of the fact that I had undone stuff at work that I needed to get done so that I could truly enjoy my off day.  So, I went to work although I was scheduled off for my birthday and was able to get it done.  I am so happy that I did...because today feels pretty great.  Plus, I have a lot going on today anyway that I would have had to rush through had I been at work.  Finally, doesn't  being off for three days (including the weekend) actually make far more sense anyway?  Answer: YES.  I struggle in that "actually makes far more sense" category as a general rule because I tend to think outside the box...which sometimes makes life interesting.

Take for instance some minor bickering going on this morning in my house.  Big Dave and I actually had a "tiff" (Southernese for "on each other's nerves") over the fact that wedding pictures are expensive.  He thinks (because he is a MAN) that a year after the pictures are made nobody looks at them anyway.  He also thinks that paying for photos what you pay for a used car is ridiculous because "in this world of digital hard is it really?" (BLASPHEMY!  These are WEDDING PICTURES!) 

To be fair, though...let's break this down, shall we? (Including stating the obvious...)

1. NOBODY in this family is getting married.  All of my nieces and nephews - save three - one who is a freshman in college and two that are under the age of seven - are already married.  Jill is not and Brian is not getting married.  The unmarried people in my family are also not getting married unless I'm just out of the loop.  Possible...but unlikely. 

2. We have not volunteered to pay for anybody's wedding pictures.   (For obvious reasons.)  Nobody is putting down a deposit, planning "must-have" photos or even - to my knowledge - considering needing a photo shoot anytime soon.  It is difficult enough for me to get my two together for the annual Christmas card photo at Thanksgiving.  I'm not really up for trying my luck at doing any more than that right now.

3. I don't have money to pay for wedding pictures right now anyway...even if someone WAS getting married (which they aren', whatever.)

4. I have only had one cup of coffee and I am not rational until after 9:00 a.m. at the very earliest.  After 9:00 a.m. it remains debatable...but definitely before 9:00 a.m. I AM. NOT. RATIONAL.  He knows this and has for nearly thirty years.

5. It is Friday, my day off, and I am coming off of "feeling the love" of my birthday I'm feeling a little bit like a Miss America contestant...all full of "World Peace" and such.  I want to dream big dreams, see the possibilities, launch into "The hills are alive...with the sound of music..." (but not really sing, because, seriously...not good.)

And yet. 

Big Dave doesn't understand why people pay so much for wedding pictures.  Does. Not. Understand.

And I said that when Jill gets married, he is going to have to get over himself.  Which led to the fact that he isn't paying an "arm and a leg" for a wedding...and me saying that "he's a man and wouldn't understand anyway" and it went on from there.  He won when he said, "Jill isn't getting married right now."

Yeah.  Well... FINE.  (In the South, "FINE" means "anything but 'fine'" in case you need an interpreter.  Or are male.  Or are just Big Dave on my nerves.)

Yes, we are arguing about non-existent wedding pictures for a wedding that is not happening at THIS point in time, anyway...for our daughter.  OR our son.   I think that God would prepare us for this seeing as we have been praying for their future spouses for many years.  I know I have.  And specifically.  I think Big Dave's prayers have been more or less "Please let whoever she marries not be a complete bonehead or someone who thinks he's going to ask me for jack squat after the day he drives away with her." or something to that effect. 

Then there's also that whole aspect of neither one of our children springing a wedding on us any time soon if they expect more than a can of Planters nuts, a container of French Onion dip, potato chips, and some pastel mints from the Dollar Tree at the reception...or a Rehearsal Dinner at Arby's (with 5 for $5) because we are still reeling from the expense of the experience Jill has had as Phi Mu at the University of Alabama...and all that this distinction entailed.

Okay, I'm exaggerating. (But not by a lot.) 

But you really must understand...many of my friends have daughters (or sons) getting married right now.  Some of their children are older than mine...but others are the same age.  Jill has two married classmates and at least five others who are actively planning weddings.  I expect that number to dramatically increase over the next few years as they finish college and start out in life independent of their parents (or at least...that's the plan).  After all...just a few years ago we were worried about getting them through high school and choosing a college.  In Jill's case, I was all about sorority rush and all that.  I'm fairly close to "over that" right now because my friends are moving on to... 

Weddings.  And grandchildren.  But I'm seriously okay with just being obsessed with weddings.

I think that men don't really understand that not only does a girl grow up to dream of meeting her prince (relatively speaking) and having a fabulous wedding (and a wonderful marriage after the wedding) does her mother.  When they hand you a bundle wearing pink...those hopes and dreams begin formulating then.  I can't really speak to other areas of the country...but here in the South...that is just they way it is.  I don't expect to hijack her wedding planning from her...I just like dreaming about the possibilities.  Granted, the mothers handed a bundle wearing blue are planning how to keep those shameless tramps away from their "precious" but that's another blogpost entirely.

They aren't the only "buzz-kills" out there.  Nor is Big Dave.

My sweet mother-in-law has reminded me that Jill may never get married and that I just need to face that reality.  Every time I talk about Jill's future wedding...which Big Dave says is "way too often"...she reminds me that I may be worrying for no reason. 

I think it is an understatement to politely mention that I totally do not wish to hear this.  Like at all.

I'm not worrying, though!  She is missing the point that I don't want to face realities such as her marrying someone we don't particularly like or think is right for her...or that she may never find her Mr. Right.  I'll deal with that if it comes.  I'm not interested in reality!  I get enough of that in my life as it is.

To me, reality would be an actual prospective groom who has nervously asked for permission to marry her and her Daddy actually agreeing to this...and my daughter with stars in her eyes and a ring on her finger (that she actually likes) eying my non-existent bank balance to plan a wedding that encompasses every single solitary idea that I have on my Pinterest board called "Someday..."  It is called "Someday..." because that day is "not today."

I mean...THAT is when we really need to worry.  But now?  Nah.  Just the idea of her wedding is enough for me.  Kind of like when I look at Southern Living and see a really cute garden party that would just be precious if I could figure out how to "throw it together" or the eighteen boards on "Pinterest" loaded with ideas that I will in all likelihood never, ever do because I know that I am in the 1%.

The 1% of people who cannot do what the other 99% CAN do.  Of course, I can do things that the other 99% cannot that's fair.  I guess.

Dreaming and planning an unscheduled event totally suits me.  For now, anyway.

But today's "discussion" about wedding photos just tells me that Big Dave is not going to whip out that checkbook willingly unless he is totally on board with Jill's intended.  Same for Brian.  Although, REALLY, in the grand scheme of things...boys are so much easier to marry off than girls.  So. Much. Cheaper.

The other reason I tend to focus on this is that she is graduating and getting ready to start her own life in just a few weeks from now and for the first time in forever...I don't know her plan.  I always have...and now I don't.  In my own sad little control-freakish way...I am trying to adjust to the idea of not having a whole lot of say into her life anymore.  But the wedding?  I suppose with a wedding...the "golden rule" still applies.  As in "he who has the gold...makes the rules."  Ah, you know what I mean.

In seven weeks, she will (Lord willing) graduate and will then probably move away and will take off in a direction of her own choosing.  At least four years in Tuscaloosa has partially prepared me for this eventuality.  Maybe the "wedding" is the last thing that I know that she and I will be guaranteed to do together...and maybe I'm a little bit scared about facing THAT reality.

After all, that's perfectly normal, right?  I've been raising her for 22 years so that she can graduate and go do something fabulous with her life.  We've poured all of what we've been equipped to offer her into her...and she has more than adequately repaid us with more than we ever dreamed of in a daughter.  Which is absolutely a blessing that we didn't adequately prepared for when we heard the words "It's a girl!" and were so busy being overjoyed that we didn't care.  (And after that were too exhausted to notice...)

She is quite a girl, you know.  And one of these days - Lord willing - I really will be worrying about planning a wedding.  But for now...I'm not worried.  I'm dreaming.  Planning little "Pinterest boards" in my mind...and enjoying sharing the joy with my friends whose daughters and sons are already planning the walk to remember.  Jill will have her own ideas about what she wants...and as has happened with everything else in her you'd think I'd be used to it by now.  But I know in my heart of hearts that God will provide both the groom and the funds to have a lovely wedding when that time comes.

Looking at my bank balance...I realize that this time...Is. Not. Now. 

Big Dave just came back in to kiss me goodbye and tell me not to worry about anything just yet.  I told him that I wasn't worried...just dreaming.  He knows.  He just wanted to keep me grounded so that I'll actually be super-excited for Jill when that time comes and won't be stressed out about it.  Because it is my hope that someday it will.  And that I'll be there to see it.  Because she will be a beautiful bride.  She's beautiful when she bounces in here with minimal makeup and her hair in a ponytail.  When she first gets up and also when she looks like a million bucks when she is about to go out with her friends. 

And what a vision she will be on her wedding day...

Which is NOT today.  So, back to reality...which involves bathing dogs and dusting...and does NOT include dreaming.  So until later...

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