Psalm 55:22

Earlier this week, a dear friend sent me a photo that is now very important to me. It is a picture of a mirror covered with bible verses with my friend in that mirror taking the photo with an iPad. It says everything. And everything I've needed to be reminded of this week.

A bible verse has stood out to me this week...and although it isn’t on the mirror...I just verified...I am now seeing it everywhere. Psalm 55:22 has appeared more than once in words shared in a post on Facebook and in one of those memes that people somehow have the ability and time to make so that we can pass them along endlessly through cyberspace. (My only wish is that these folks making them would sometimes run spellcheck or consult a dictionary because the spelling and grammar failure rate is often catastrophic.)

Psalm 55:22 reads, "Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." I'm not certain which version this is from or the context of that particular verse in the psalm although I intend to find out. All I know is that it has served as a stunning reminder this week that I do need to pay attention.

So casting your cares apparently does not mean stressing out to the point of tears or wanting to do something foolish, saying the words but not actually letting go, or believing it for five minutes before you go back and begin gathering those cares up again to stress over through a sleepless night. It means cast. Throw. Get rid of. Kind of like taking your cares to the Goodwill of the Universe and leaving them there to be sorted and dealt with. It means to quit rehashing every atom of that difficulty in great detail and sharing it over and over. In your mind. With your loved ones. They only seem to get bigger that way.

There's nothing wrong with asking for prayer in that situation and bringing someone up to speed. But you absolutely cannot go on and on and on and on and on and on about it and expect anything other than drama and continued awfulness.

I am so not a fan of awfulness.

You cast them ON THE LORD meaning that you expect Him to deal with it. You may not like what that will eventually mean, however. You may not even understand it. But you leave that mess at His door and ask Him to make chicken salad out of chicken whatever. (That's a request I used to get from a former boss that still makes me laugh when I think about it.) Let God take your cares and figure out how to orchestrate relief in the circumstance that is going to be for your highest good. You can be mad if you don't like it. I don't like having thunder thighs either. But I do. Primarily because I like food.

If you do this...HE will sustain YOU. Meaning...you don't have to sustain you. HE will do it. You still have to go through the motions of life as we know it but you don't have to do it with this heavy burden on your back that seems impossible... because it is. To you, anyway.

NOTHING is impossible with God. The Bible says so. Case in point: a woman across town just had a baby at age 47 after 18 years of infertility. It was in our local paper. I cannot even imagine the joy. And having to do night feedings at her age. Mercy. She never lost her faith. I'm sure that it was difficult to sustain...but she did.

But back to the verse...my favorite part is this: "He will never let the righteous be shaken." Meaning: You be and are righteous and He has your back.

Oh, you'll be shaken out of some things you need to be...maybe your materialistic self needs to slough that off. Or He may choose to shake your finances so that you'll pay attention to what you have and will be a better steward of it. He may shake some of your false beliefs to the floor about what it really means to be a follower. He may allow you to experience health issues so that you see who your friends really are and who He really is. He may allow you to experience sorrow, pain, or want.

But what is really important...your faith, your connection to Him and your overall sense of well being will not be shaken. He will stand for you. He will sustain you through the rough water. He will give you peace during it.

I needed to be reminded of that this week. I am not particularly good at walking on eggshells or fearing what might happen. I am more of the "rip the bandaid off" kind of person and if left unattended...I can dream up endless scenarios in my mind that will often be misinterpreted as being negative. I'm not a negative person.

I consider it "facing reality." Or at least potential reality. It is at the core...self preservation. And it is a skill set learned when you fear that you have to rely on yourself instead of having the knowledge that you have someone fighting for you. I developed this over years of feeling like I had to take care of myself because I rarely had an advocate. Or so I thought.

You may spend a period of time under the water wondering if you'll be saved. You'll spend a time wandering around the desert hoping you'll be delivered. Or you may even spend some time screaming, "why, why, why?" at the top of your lungs because you truly do not understand.

You just have to know that the righteous will not be shaken. By anyone or anything. By death, sickness, bankruptcy, job loss, infertility, marriage problems, addiction, fear, or exhaustion. Do not fear. Do not give up. Don't stop believing.

Sorry if I just put Steve Perry from Journey in your head. Maybe it will help.

As for me, I'm just taking a day at a time. Expecting miracles and navigating change. Trying to be my best self but not trying to hold the world on my shoulders anymore. That isn't my job. It never was.

Have a great day and may you know that God has your back today. Whatever it is. Wherever you are. Just believe it. Even when it seems like nothing is going your way. Even when you just want to give up and walk away. Even when someone is in your path that you'd love to set up on a blind date with Karma.

Yes, I know I used karma in a post with bible verses. Work with me here. Just trying to lighten it up a little. And because I honestly would like to do that sometimes.

Anyway, just know you're not out there alone struggling with whatever. And as for me...I'll treasure that picture and the sweet friend that sent it to me as well as the memory of the one in it. I really will.

Crossing Over

I don't know when I crossed over. It was sometime this year, and seems like just a few weeks ago. My best recollection indicates that it was May...but I'm not entirely sure. All I know is that one fine day I looked at my checkbook register and did an evaluation.

And for those of you under the age of 30 who know not what a check register is because you have successfully avoided even knowing how to write a check in this technologically advanced age...it is that paper thingy that is in the checkbook that you've seen your granny whip out when she writes a check at the grocery store. It records the checks that are written because unlike the almighty debit card...it takes a day or so to actually clear the account.

If we don't write it down...we don't remember what we did...and if someone holds our check for two weeks...we feel uneasy because we have no idea if we wrote that check for $3.53 or $353.00. The struggle was and is real. Partially because we must then wait...due to fear of overdraft. Also because more often than not...we won't remember jack squat about that check unless we have carbon checks. Thankfully, I do.

Anyway, I looked at it and thought..."nope." Enough. If where your money is your heart is also? Well, my heart is apparently owed to every restaurant in town, my granddaughter, and LuLaRoe. Only one of the three of those has the capacity to love me back. And seeing as she has plenty of clothes, books and toys, she'd be much better off with more parked in her 529 plan than sitting in her closet.

Even if the ruffle butt smocked bubbles are precious. And they are.

I just quit spending money on stuff I do not need. Not completely...but at least 80% of the time. And I've been shrinking my restaurant and Walmart Grocery consumption down as well. Today's order was primarily food for the shih tzus.

Amazingly, I had money left over at the end of last month despite paying deductibles for my surgery, my Costco renewal, car tags, visitors, a trip to the beach and to Huntsville, an unfortunate ticket for rolling a stop sign (my second in my life so don't be hatin') leaving my neighborhood, and paying down extra on a loan that is still outstanding.

Yay!

I don't know what you do with your money or what it is doing to you. That's between you and your family and God. All I know is I realized that I'm satisfied with what I have. Actually, I'd be more satisfied if I could clear out a good bit of stuff again, and I will do that this Fall. Once the company leaves in the summer, I end up making headway because it is too blasted hot to venture outside and deal with the weeds. I'll do that outside work (actually, I will direct that outside work because Miss Karen doesn't do yardwork the way Big Dave wants it done and I'm dismissed from duty) during November. This is obviously before Thanksgiving when I have company again and want the house and yard to look nice.

I am not saying that I will never buy anything again. I ordered a little dress for Brooklyn last night ($16.99 shipped) for the Fall and I've been trolling the LuLaRoe sites for a black Shirley or Sarah. If you are not familiar with this brand...these are styles named after people kind of like Chicken Salad Chick does that with their various chicken salad mixtures. But if I don't find one or actually decide to buy it? I'll be fine.

What I am saying is that right now, getting the debt that I have paid down as quickly as possible is really what I'm concerned with doing because I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just knowing I could have been out of that tunnel and on to new horizons instead of living it up kind of makes me a bit mad at myself.

I'll get over it, though. I was young and foolish earlier this year. Now I am carrying a cane. It's fine.

I'm thinking now of another mass clean out and seeing if I can get some help to seriously finally finish what I've started. If you have followed...you know I've been on this journey for five years. I'm 87% complete. A strong B+ but not an A. I like A's.

I also haven't forgotten some of the undelivered items that I owe Laurie, Courtney and Deann. I just cannot seem to get them there because two of the three involve serious expense to ship them. The other I'm hoping to deliver on Sunday at church.

Yes, I could give more and have actually found out that I have done that this year. I could live on beans and rice and I may actually try that this Fall because I have to. But just realizing that I've finally reached that stage in life where when someone asks me what I want for Christmas and I reply, "whatever you want to give me...but don't go overboard" - I'm actually a little bit happier about it than I thought I would be.

I'd rather my kids keep their money to travel, enhance their homes or invest. I'd rather not have Christmas be so many gifts and so long to open them. I'd rather have a lovely meal, open one special gift, and be thrilled with receiving something from Kendra Scott or a nice restaurant gift card. A book I haven't read. Time in conversation. Tickets to an event. Or cleaning up my backyard or garage without me having to beg someone.

Okay, FINE, I also need a new purse...but I actually have two in decent shape in my closet. Once those are worn out...we can talk.

I hope that you are out there enjoying life, being a good steward, and that you have the satisfaction of knowing that there is a point where enough really is enough.

And if you are interested in coming all up in this house and helping me get it cleaned out for one glorious moment in time...let me know. Until then, I'm going to just be happy while I can with what I have and be grateful that I am not in want. Be pleased that it is okay. Be happy that time with friends and family is my favorite thing right now.

Off to get on with the day.

On What Is Important

This morning I’m ready for church, trying to keep the shih tzus from being obnoxious and I’m waiting on baby girl to wake up. I’m not rushing her. I’m enjoying watching her sleep on the monitor.

It is a cool morning, relatively speaking, or it may be the fan overhead giving me that impression. I have the door cracked so the dogs can venture in and out since they’ve had a hearty breakfast on paper plates put on the garage floor for their dining pleasure. I didn’t need two fueled shih tzus whining outside the gate helping Brooklyn along on her transition from dreamland.

And now I wait.

I’ve been doing a lot of waiting lately. And I’ve learned some lessons through this process that I may have missed had I never quit trying to do everything. And when I think back now on what kept me so all fire busy, I struggle a little bit to figure out exactly what it was...and wince a little realizing that chasing the wind - something I’ve done too much of - is not a really great use of time.

It isn’t.

You may not know what that is...if you have your priorities straight or you have a personality that insists on healthy boundaries. You may not know if you are incredibly disciplined or will not put up with nonsense. Or if you have people in your life who will not indulge your particular brand of craziness or if you’ve just decided that chasing the wind is not God’s purpose for your life...so you stop doing it.

I don’t know. But what I do know is that it is ridiculous.

I won’t elaborate on my pursuits in this area...but I will say that when you are done with it...you’ll know.

Kind of like what people told me before my “yes” to knee replacement surgery. When it is time...it’s time.

A lot of people out there are chasing money, power, prestige, promotions, education, more, attention, fame, adoration, acceptance, love, thrills, fulfillment, records, medals, trophies, comfort, freedom, retirement, improvement, health, friendships, marriage, parenthood, empires, revenge, the pinnacle and so many other things. Some are worthy endeavors. Most are not.

We chase dreams but sometimes have to accept that we are wrong for the part, aren’t liked, are too old, are too young, are too much, or are too little. We set out to find our purpose only to follow the crowd into wind chasing and dust.

I’ve done it. Most have at some point or another.

Someday, it all seems as ridiculous as it always was. The scales from our eyes fall away. We begin to understand that what really matters is our relationship to God, to those we love and who love us, and the employment of our gifts for the benefit of others.

I have some plaques in my office from the 1990s when I was wind chasing and thought it mattered. A big part of me wants to toss them away. Another part keeps them in a stack gathering dust as a reminder of a lot of wasted time and energy.

I have some workout DVDs from Walmart that are at least a decade old that I never opened because “Walk it Off and Tone It Up” wasn’t happening in my living room. It has to happen in an environment where people are sweating and I hear iron on iron and occasional grunting. To think otherwise is chasing the wind. Sorry, Leslie Sansone...that’s a hard no for me.

I also have lists I’ve made that I will not complete, clothes in my closet I will never again wear, and people I care about that I’ll probably never see in person again. I have travel plans I’d like to make reality, some projects around this house I’d like to see done and some weight on my frame that I’ll probably never eradicate fully.

It’s okay. I can dream.

What I have stopped doing is chasing the wind. I’ve stopped volunteering for everything. I’ve realized that I will never be the best at some things I’d love to be proficient in and I’m not getting any younger.

What I am happy about, though, is that I still have some dreams alive, that I am okay with who I am, and I’m mighty grateful to those who love me and want me in their circles.

Including my children.

In a few minutes baby girl will wake up and will ask for her Mama and Daddy. She’s so incredibly precious. I’m so privileged to live in the same town and to be able to help my son-in-law plan a wonderful day celebrating their wedding anniversary for my daughter.

That is what’s real out there, folks. Love.

The rest of it...is just crepe paper decorations and dust gathering and soul stealing minutiae. Although I do love crepe paper when celebrating someone or something worthy.

I want to live a life where I’m chasing what’s real. What’s good. What’s God inspired and cannot be shaken. Where I don’t have to even think about or hesitate for a second to know exactly what I need to do in any given situation because I have no fear of the wind.

Have a beautiful day and don’t give up even when things look odd or when you have to lay something you thought was important down and then realize it is little more than a paper cutout or airbrushed version of something good.

Off to wake her up or at least make noise and get to what is important and real to me. Being her grandmother and serving others today. The wind can blow all it wants. I’m not chasing it.