Friday, July 8, 2011

Say What?

Every once in awhile life gets so out of control that I just have to rein it in.  Not anything earthshattering, awful, or otherwise disturbing, but just so surreal that you almost feel like you are living in that place you might find yourself in between the snooze alarm and the real alarm in the morning.  Just wackiness that makes you stop and go...

"Say what?"  (Which for you Northern readers is the Southern version of "What the heck?")

My first clue that I have been living in an alternative universe is that I have insisted on cleaning like I work for Merry Maids.  My son's room has been clean since the first of June...which may need to be reported to Guiness' World Book of Records.  The previous record had been something like seven days since 1993 when he started walking.  I'm so not kidding. 

I've folded clothes and put them away...and have realized that I have three extra laundry baskets that I do not need.  Who knew?  Most of the time one (or obviously more) of them was sitting in someone's room filled with clothes that needed to be put away.  These three are in addition to the two baskets in everyone's closet for darks and lights.  Perhaps the baskets are simply breeding in my laundry room (along with the crickets.)  I know not.

There is no laundry to do as of right now and there are no dishes in the sink.  I've run the dishwasher frequently and have unloaded it as soon as it stops.  This alone is miraculous.

The sheets and bathrooms have been changed and cleaned on a schedule, and there is no gradu on the countertops.  I've dusted, and had Brian change the air filters in the air conditioning unit (we have a geothermal our unit is in the laundry room.  I know...weird.)

 I even stood on my bed and dusted the ceiling fan blades the other night.  (By the way, I do not advise this.  Get a ladder, a chair, or someone that you pay or gave birth to to handle this.  I was standing on a bed, looking straight up to dust while being all wobbly.  My coordination level was about the same as the drunk person that always manages to sit behind me at nearly every college football game I've attended so he or she can spill bourbon laced sodas down my back.)

I've also insisted on getting every bill paid the second it comes in instead of twice a month.  In fact, I've been so diligent about this that I've actually managed to pay my house payment twice.  Yes.  Before you think that I'm an idiot, I'll try to explain.  I had a recurring payment set up with Wachovia and when it converted to Wells Fargo this month, I assumed that all of the Wachovia bill pay "stuff" would go away.  To be sure it got paid...I input it again.  I suppose had I read any one of the sixty seven packets of information about conversion that Wells Fargo mailed to me from February - July this might not have happened.  The lady I spoke to in Customer Service at Chase (my mortgage company) with the odd combination of Oriental and British accents said that it is "no probrem" to credit it to the August payment.  Of course, that means that the remaining 22 days in this month are going to be a little bit tight.  Okay...seriously tight. 

I've also been donating stuff all over town.  I took books to the library, passed along some books to friends, and I did a mercy sale to a lady in Belleview, Florida because an item I had on eBay didn't sell and she asked if I'd reduce my asking price if I relisted.  I've also gotten a bag of school uniforms headed to a friend, dropped off books I found at the school library, and loaded my sister down with Oreos and Reese's peanut butter cups that I'd been hoarding before she left earlier this week.

And then there is the the realization that everything in the world is apparently happening on July 29th.  We're invited to a debutante ball (the one Jill was in last year), she is set to move out of her apartment by 10:00 that morning, and she can move down the street and into the Phi Mu house at 7:00 that morning.  Oh, and that's the weekend that we're due to be at the beach with the crew from Texas.  Did I have plans for any other weekend this month?  Um, no.  Of course not. 

My dog Rebel is rejecting food in the morning unless I call Dixie in and start feeding it to her.  Only then will he allow me to feed him from a spoon.  Yes, I actually do this.  At night, he guards the dry food that I put out after picking out the cheese pieces from what I put down for both dogs.  I've broken up one fight over his insistence that his food is his and her food is his too.  I think I need the Dog Whisperer.  Rebel is certifiable right now...but then again...this is not entirely news to us.

I have started my diet again...which means - of course - that one of the tellers felt the need to stop for Krispy Kreme doughnuts this week and the bank had leftover sandwiches, potato salad, chocolate chip cookies and potato chips in the kitchen from a meeting.  I passed them by...whining on the inside...because for weeks there has been nothing even remotely tempting in the break room.  Until now.

I visited a friend last night intending to purchase something from her because Big Dave said it was cool with him.  I ended up staying there until nearly 11:00 last night (I should have been clued in to the time when her husband turned off all of the lights in the house, but I'm not that bright.)  We talked about a few things but I didn't make a decision.  In nearly four hours.  Four.  Hours.  I can make a decision normally before you even get the question out of your mouth.

Then there's been the free or almost free stuff.  I've gotten a free lemon doughnut coupon (unredeemed), a free razor from Walgreen's ($9.99 value), two tubes of Crest toothpaste for a quarter each, two "king size" Reese's Peanut Butter Cup packages for free, packages of strawberries for $1 each (I bought four) from Publix, a canteloupe for $1 from EarthFare, a pile of 75% off stuff from Old Navy, gift cards for my anniversary dinner to Bonefish Grill, a book in the mail, an unexpected insurance check for $131, sales of approximately $100 from eBay and $17 from Amazon.  I've also received three free movies from DirecTV, a free candy bar from CVS, ExtraBucks of $2 also from CVS, three cans of Pillsbury frosting for $.38/can from Target, and twelve pounds of hamburger meat for $1.09 a pound at Winn-Dixie.  I'm not complaining...I'm just a little stunned...and very grateful. 

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that I'm more than a little curious to find out.

Hope it's good!  But even if it isn' should at least be interesting.

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