"Semblance" being defined as "an amount of time that I can hold it together so that I don't go all Jerry Springer on someone who truly doesn't deserve it in lieu of the jerk who actually did." This time period can be as short as 30 seconds and as long as decades. Guess it just depends.
Today, however, after paying four years of sorority dues, I did not take the news that we would not be getting the $200 security deposit back because one or more of Jill's roommates thought it would be a good idea to put a forbidden adhesive on the wall and adhere a scheduler to it. That and then apparently spilled some kind of liquid that seeped under the glass on the desk and just left it there. My daughter didn't do these specific infractions. Two were by the bunk beds (she had the single bed) and she didn't use the desk.
Somehow, and you'll excuse my extreme sarcasm, I don't see how it costs $600 to pull down some adhesive and wipe out some gradu from under some glass...but that's just me.
Of course, I had to send three what can only be described as "classless" e-mails to the only e-mail address that I had available to express my dissatisfaction. I haven't been this fired up since they fined Jill $100 for missing a Homecoming event her freshman year (she went to church and got there late). I called National on that one. And yes...I paid it.
But I howled like a banshee while I wrote that check.
By the way, I am not one of these people that thinks that their kid can do no wrong. Quite the opposite. I have pretty much told my kids that if they do something boneheaded...I'd appreciate it if they would just let me know so that I don't get doubly furious by getting mad about what happened and then getting all mad again when I find out later on that they lied.
Because I'm going to find out.
Frankly, I do this out of self-preservation...I'm afraid I might spontaneously combust or something. (Or is it comburst? That whole bust/burst thing used to get me all mixed up in school. )
I had plans for that $200, you know. I probably would have whimpered...but not gone into full blown Towanda mode over it had they just kept half of it and returned the rest to me.
Oh but no.
Frankly...for what it cost her to be in a sorority for four years at Alabama...they should have just sent me that back to me out of some sense of guilt. Heartless...
And then I heard that Donna Summer died. What is up with all of the icons of my childhood and young adult life dying or being...how shall I word this..."a disappointment." (John Travolta...I'm talking to you, sir). Dick Clark, Whitney Houston, the guy who wrote "Where the Wild Things Are" and now Donna.
Rest in Peace Disco Queen.
Word has it that she was a committed Christian, had a wonderful family life, and might have even leaned a little toward the conservative side. Good. All I know is that the woman could sing. Her voice is part of the soundtrack of my life.
Then I came home and realized that the people who haven't seen fit to call Big Dave to Jury Duty in the 54 years of his existence have now summoned me for the fourth time. I report June 5th. Great. I mean - seriously - who is going to take a raving conservative like me on a jury anyway? Yes, wait until I fill out this questionnaire.
Things like..."Have you or any member of your family ever had a problem which you attribute to drugs or alcohol?"
Honestly? Is there a family out there that hasn't had one? Maybe MeeMaw got into the champagne at your wedding, or sipped too much wine while playing bingo and had to be picked up an hour and a half away. Perhaps some well-intentioned doctor prescribed some little yellow triangles that put a family member out cold for three days.
But maybe that's just my family.
Here's an interesting one that is meant (I'm guessing) to cull out the conservative Christians..."Have you or any member of your family been educated through 'home schooling'?" Ya think?
Or "Are you or any member of your family involved in any action currently pending in court?" Well, that depends on how well those e-mails I fired off earlier today about that deposit end up. Hey, I had four years of pent up frustration over big bills spread over three tiny e-mails. It could happen.
Here's the one, though, that will most assuredly keep me off of the jury..."Do you ever listen to 'talk radio' programs?" Uh, YEAH. Religiously.
Sheesh, reading this I'm getting more disturbed. They are asking me about bumper stickers on my car, whether I have internet access, websites I regularly visit, whether I have a cell phone and if I attend church or not.
There are 88 questions on this form. Most of them require more than checking a box.
Overall, it has been "one of those days." But the highlights were worth drawing breath. Just imagine the damage I can do at Bed, Bath and Beyond without having to have 800 coupons to check out. I just need ONE. Rock on.
Even better? Tomorrow is Friday. Did I mention that the inlaws are coming for the weekend?
And so it goes...