Manners

Tonight we said goodbye to our daughter and a houseguest as they have to travel back to Tuscaloosa to get ready for class tomorrow morning. And while I am sad that they are gone...I also realized something while conversing with a friend online. What impressed me most about this houseguest was...his good manners.

From the time our children are babies, we teach them to say "please" and "thank you." And while I am living in the South, and I know most about the way we do things here, I believe that showing general courtesy in interacting with people is universal. We later teach them to speak to adults, how to shake someone's hand, to notice when someone needs assistance (and how to offer it), and how to construct a proper thank you note. We teach them to show respect for adults by saying "yes ma'am" or "no sir" and to open doors for ladies.

What we don't often teach them - in our kid-centered society - is to put other people first. They believe that the universe revolves around them, and as a result, they don't think of anyone else's comfort but their own.

In years past, everyone taught manners to children from Sunday School teachers to relatives to teachers. Neighbors knew the child, and would offer correction if it was warranted. Now, parents take the side of the "feelings" of the child and become angry if anyone dares to try to offer any criticism of the behavior of their little prince or princess.

But you know...chivalry is not dead, and I am always glad to be reminded of that.

Today, we went to Target, and the houseguest made sure that I had the front seat (Jill was driving), opened the car door for me, carried the items we purchased, opened the door to the store, and never acted like he was uncomfortable in any way. I liked this. And frankly, he may not do this at home...but the fact that he knows how to act...would very likely make his Mama very proud.

I know that everyone is interested in allowing children to take lessons in sports related activities, fine arts, or be members of social groups such as youth groups at church or scouting. However, some of the most valuable time is invested in teaching our children how to act in social situations. And how much time is invested to this end with our busy schedules? Very little, I'm afraid.

The funny thing is...most of the kids do not realize the importance as perceived by adults. And in not teaching them...we put them at a horrible disadvantage. The vicious cycle: They don't know that they are supposed to carry packages for women, so they don't offer. Because they don't offer, we view them as not being trained to do so at home. We then assume that either the parents didn't know to teach them (showing a lack of class) or the child didn't pick it up (showing rudeness or self-centeredness). We then view them as not knowing any better...which tends to make us think less of them as a result. These lessons on manners should be taught at home...along with the importance of making a good impression.

Frankly, I have a favorable impression of our houseguest because he showed good manners and respect for a female friend's mother. He didn't have to. He did it because it was the right thing to do. And I appreciate that more than I can say.

So, those of you raising little boys at home...remind them that one day they will want to impress a girl's Mama, and that she will be watching him. The Mama will see that if he knows how to show respect for a mother, he will definitely show it to a wife.

I hope that it isn't too late for me to give Brian a few pointers...Later!