For the past few days I have been in one of those weird moods that sometimes come along like an unwelcome guest. You know what I mean...you have your day planned and then the phone rings and someone wants to take "just an hour" which turns into a marathon all day affair. Your plans get shifted, and you end up reworking it all...but it is very much like putting a replacement part on a car...it works but it isn't the original.
My mood started rather innocently. I was sitting in my office minding my own business...working on something that I'm sure was extremely important when I heard the sounds of people enjoying lunch. Now, this wouldn't ordinarily bother me, except that where I work, I never go to lunch with anyone unless the boss is in town, and then we all go. So, the sounds of obvious mirth that did not include me was not exactly a welcome sound.
This was followed by a telephone call from a friend who was telling me about plans made with other friends (who were not us). People that I would only spend time with if there was only one lifeboat, the Titantic was sinking, and there was no Plan B. It turned out not to matter anyway, because my daughter made it clear to us that she did not want us anywhere near Tuscaloosa, AL this past weekend because she didn't have time to entertain us with the big date party Friday night and being a date to the football game on Saturday.
I went home, logged on to Facebook and was basically corrected for my political beliefs, warped sense of humor, and musical taste all in the same night. Mostly done in a playful manner and in a way where frankly - under normal circumstances - I wouldn't even care. But you know...I started wondering if I had a giant cosmic "kick me" sign somewhere on my person. And so I...a reasonably mature wife, mother of two, and professional...did what when confronted with the results of all of the rejection I'd experienced that day that had morphed into the mother of all bad moods? Well, I pouted.
Pouting. So unattractive when one is 6 years old, and even more so when one is 46 years old. However, some days just put you there before you even know you're on your way. And then you get over it.
I have found that in my personal experience, the only way to crawl out of a bad mood is to put my eyes somewhere else. I can't keep them on myself. Like race car drivers say...if you start to spin out...move your eyes to the road and keep them off of the wall. Your car will then go toward the track...because that's where you are looking.
So, I have to put my eyes on other people...helping them. On my work...which needs and deserves my attention. And most importantly...on God.
For the record, it is mighty difficult to pout in the presence of God. He looks at my heart and I feel like I'm being asked to explain myself. So I don't get invited? Maybe it isn't me...it is something that has nothing to do with me at all. Perhaps people aren't criticizing who I am...just what I happen to think. That's fair, isn't it? I mean, I do that myself from time to time.
Well, over the past week or so I have thought a lot about how I sometimes let people affect my moods. And what I've come to realize is that hands down...most people affect me favorably. Therefore, I just totally need to get over myself.
I'm going to help myself out a little bit by getting some rest tonight. I've really struggled with juggling all of the things I want to do and all that I feel that I have to do. And pouting is exhausting. Trust me on this.
So, I'm going to spend a little time looking up and far less looking inward and outward tonight. I don't want my joy stolen, and I want to be a source of joy to others. You just can't do that when you are wound-licking, pouting, or checking out the greener grass across the way.
This afternoon, a friend e-mailed me to ask me what was going on in my life. Since I have pretty much discontinued the use of e-mail at work so that I can do what I am there for...namely...WORK...I decided to send one back anyway. And I outlined the funny things that are currently defining my life right now. I hope I made her laugh. Some days, I want to make people think...but on days like today, I'd much prefer that they laugh.
So, what is going on in my life right now? Well, let's see...
I went clothes shopping yesterday and finally got fitted for a bra. I have never done this in my life, and my friends have been amazed that I have somehow survived this long without ever having it done. I finally just got tired of buying bras that don't fit from the clearance rack at Ross For Less and removing the underwire. What do you mean the underwire is necessary? To me, it is like sticking a coathanger in there for the purpose of making me miserable. Needless to say, I now have two properly fitting bras. Yay for me. I'll check that one off of the bucket list.
I also brought home my third black dress in the exact same style because I keep ripping them on various things as I misjudge how far it is between me and whatever I rip it on. I also picked up more tee shirts in red, pink, and white, a dress that looks promising, and a purple and orange number in a material that looks like what I believe would resemble a bad acid trip. I liked it only on the grounds that it looks so different than anything I'd ever wear that I just had to bring it home to try it on.
Nothing breaks a bad mood like retail therapy. The only pouting I did was upon realizing that my coupon expired the day before I shopped. That's fine. I'll just wait them out a week or so before they send me another...and then return everything I just bought and THEN use my coupon. It certainly won't be the first time...nor the last.
My daughter called today to make a hair appointment for next week. She will drive to Montgomery, have her hair highlighted, and drive back to Tuscaloosa that night...because they have a swap with the KAs that night...and heaven knows we can't miss THAT. She wants to look pretty for the big soiree of the semester...Carnation Ball. She has already invited the very polite and precious young man who visited us over Labor Day Weekend...and so I'm sure that looking her best might include an ulterior motive. I'm also having my hair done this week just by accident of the calendar. So, I'll look very blonde and like I've encountered a light socket due to scissors shock when or if you happen to see me this weekend. Have mercy.
This weekend I will be spending time with family and with the girls I graduated from high school with in 1981. Nothing like seeing people you haven't seen in somewhere between 8 and 28 years ago and hoping that they recognize you. I'm considering wearing my nametag from work. I'll be the one who looks like I doubled in size with the uncontrollable hair. Because that's about as accurate a description as I can give right now.
Anyway, I'm going to make every attempt to have a wonderful night and rest of the week. No more pouting. I'm looking up...and looking forward to a wonderful weekend ahead. Hope that resolve stays with me! Later!