Saturday, June 13, 2009

Falling Short

Tonight I am experiencing a little bit of anxiety. Now, I know that from a biblical perspective, when we arrive at this point we are supposed to - as Christians - turn anxiety over to God. And I will. But before I do, I wanted to just discuss it a bit here.

I think that in everyday life, we all have expectations of what we want our days and activities to be to a certain extent. Other parts are just beyond our control...and we accept that. Some of the choices we make include our marital status, who we love and support, whether we will be parents through the usual way, adoption, or not at all, what we do for a living, where we live, and how we choose to spend our time. The choices for all of us are as unique as we are!

Lately, I have been worried about work a bit (the economy), money (I have kids), and my schedule. It seems that I have committed to do things that I intend to do, but the timing just has not been right. I have NOT had the time to pull it all together. And thus, the anxiety.

I can normally trust God's timing without questioning...but when I run into those times when I try to work things out and they just won't fall into place I begin to it truly a timing issue, or is it me falling short?

I think one common human experience is that we all want to give our best except in those rare cases where we actually choose not to for whatever reason. I know that I love the feeling when I have done something well and I am content with the effort whether I am the only person who knows or notices the results or not.

Sometimes, though, we can't find our rhythm. We are like the person who claps on the off beat while everyone else is clapping at the proper time. I am in one of those phases right now.

And yet, I think that this week will be the week. I go on vacation in three weeks. A lot of what I had stressed over is behind me or can be postponed. My husband and children are busy and happy. It's summer. My mother's knee is healing. I'm catching up with old friends and writing...I'm even scrapbooking again.

Some of what I am worried about is beyond my control. I can control my side of the job equation, but cannot control whether the company decides to retain me. I can try to spend wisely, but I cannot control unexpected expenses. Those are just...well...LIFE.

So, why is it that I have any anxiety at all? I think it is because I am afraid that if I don't get with it on the few remaining undone items on my "to do" list...then I will not be able to fully appreciate all that is going right.

And there are too many wonderful moments in life waiting to be enjoyed. I need to address those undone items, quit worrying, and punt this fear of falling short. I think I'll start...tomorrow. Later!

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