Erma Bombeck

Have you ever had one of those times in your life when people were putting something in front of your face, you saw it, but you were not paying enough attention to it? This is like that Taylor Swift song about the boy who doesn't notice her because he is too busy chasing the cheerleader or whatever. OH, you thought I didn't listen to country music? Well, you would be correct except that my daughter insisted that I listen to a couple of Taylor Swift's songs because she knows that I like people who are amazingly talented - especially at a young age - and because Jill is a big fan.

(Note: Britney Spears, Tatum O'Neal, Drew Barrymore, Michael Jackson, and Lindsey Lohan - who started out brilliantly as young performers royally screwed up my original fabulous impression of them by being such boneheads as adults. I have totally forgiven Drew who pulled herself together and is a good actress and Tatum because she went to the house and raised her kids and got herself off the front page of the National Enquirer every other week. LeeAnn Rimes is seriously on her way to being on the "bad" list for being a hussy-tramp if said tabloids are to be believed. Wait. Did I just write that? Never mind.)

Anyway, back to my original point, which you probably just scrolled up to find. Sometimes, we have things put in our face and we totally miss whatever it is that God is trying to tell us. I always feel like a total doofus when this happens...primarily because it tends to happen more often than I'd like (which, for the record...is NEVER).

For the past six months or more, my scrapbooking ladies group members have been referring to me as "Erma K" because they said that my writing reminds them of Erma Bombeck. I've heard it at least a dozen times over the past year from various people who are totally unrelated. Tonight, another friend brought it up, and the blondeness cleared and this thought emerged..."So, I think perhaps, maybe, I'll look into that...yeah."

Ya think? I mean, I remember enjoying her writing, but I have not read it in several years. So, I went to the source of all knowledge as I currently know it - Wikipedia - and found out a few interesting facts.

The most stunningly obvious was that Erma Bombeck was an incredibly normal woman. I'm very pleased to know this, because after wanting to be exceptional my entire life...I've realized and have finally accepted the fact that I am exceptionally normalish. Maybe not in every sense...but normal (ie boring) enough. I would have loved to have been able to recite the Presidents in order at age 3, been a member of the Partridge Family (I thought I could do as well as that girl Suzanne whatever who was called Tracy and who appeared to do very little), or end up being a lottery winner or something. Alas, NO.

I learned that Erma Bombeck was a person of faith (Catholic), a mother (3 kids), wife, and that she wrote a LOT. I suppose in those ways...other than the fact that I am Methodist and have two children...I can relate. She wrote about her life and tried to find the bright side in most things. She seems like someone who I might have known, liked, and laughed with over a cup of coffee.

So, I find it a high compliment that my friends have told me that my writing reminds them of her. I am honored by this, in fact...far more than I realized I would be, and now I don't want to sound like I'm anywhere near her caliber because I am not, but hey, WOW...thanks, you guys!

Below are a few of the quotes of hers that I found on BrainyQuote.com that pretty much run the gamut of hilarious to reflective...which I suppose is what she was and is in the memories of those of us who were blessed to have read her work. Enjoy...I have...and intend to again when I go to Books-a-Million tomorrow to buy one of her books.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
Erma Bombeck

All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
Erma Bombeck

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
Erma Bombeck

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.
Erma Bombeck

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
Erma Bombeck

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.
Erma Bombeck

Children make your life important.
Erma Bombeck

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
Erma Bombeck

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids.
Erma Bombeck

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
Erma Bombeck

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
Erma Bombeck

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
Erma Bombeck

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
Erma Bombeck

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.
Erma Bombeck

God created man, but I could do better.
Erma Bombeck

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
Erma Bombeck

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
Erma Bombeck

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
Erma Bombeck

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
Erma Bombeck

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
Erma Bombeck

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
Erma Bombeck

I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
Erma Bombeck

I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.
Erma Bombeck

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
Erma Bombeck

I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
Erma Bombeck

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Checkout Time is 18 years."
Erma Bombeck

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
Erma Bombeck

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
Erma Bombeck

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
Erma Bombeck

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
Erma Bombeck

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
Erma Bombeck

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
Erma Bombeck

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
Erma Bombeck

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
Erma Bombeck

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
Erma Bombeck

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.
Erma Bombeck