Monday, August 3, 2009

If I Wrote A Disney Movie...

Once upon a time, in the month of August where it is as hot outside as you feel on the inside, lived seven women...Weepy, Whiny, Foggy, Sleepy, Hormony, Snippy, and Martha. They worked all day taking care of little children in the village while the childrens' mothers played tennis and redecorated their cottages. It was a simple life...the days melted into weeks and into months...and every so often when it was totally unbearable, a brief respite in the form of a vacation day or week came along to keep the seven women from killing their charges or going on strike.

Every year, the women would get a brand new group of fresh faced and smart children who desired nothing more than to soak up every drop of information that the women could provide them, and the seven took great pride in the work that they were assigned.

One day, Hormony was disturbed because something just wasn't right. Nothing had changed, but at the same time EVERYTHING had changed. The other six women tried to help her understand...but she was having NONE of it. Weepy dissolved into tears which caused Snippy to roll her eyes and begin mumbling. The mumbling awoke Foggy who started talking to Whiny about it while Martha cut little snowflakes to decorate the classroom the following January by hand in 3-D with a pair of nail scissors in her drawer.

Snippy started to comment on why it was that the tennis mothers seemed to be SOOOO happy to drop off their children, and Whiny began to lament the size of her thighs in comparison. Foggy said, "Thighs? What?"

As the weeks went on, the seven women began to question whether these fresh faced smart children were really that or just fresh mouthed smart mouthed children instead. Sleepy napped through the discussion since she had been up with Martha making popcorn strings by hand for the holiday tree. Snippy told them that if they couldn't call it a Christmas tree that she wasn't helping, Hormony couldn't decide if she was happy about the holidays or not, and Foggy said, "Christmas? Now?"

The seven were refreshed during the two week Christmas break but returned with great purpose knowing that the testing cycle was about to begin...and that it was extremely important. Sleepy, jacked up on caffeine, was on top of her game...for awhile. Then, Snippy, who was not terribly pleased that she was not the one who made the plans because she's just well...snippy...enlisted Whiny and Hormony. They were unsuccessful in attempting to get Martha to quit cutting out paper hearts for her Valentines' Day bulletin board and join the rebellion. Weepy just went through a box of the Kleenex that had been brought the first day of school by one of the tennis moms who had OD'd on paper products at Costco. Foggy said, "What?"

So, as the year passed, the seven women wondered why exactly it was that they had signed up for this particular deal. Teach? WHY? Except, of course, for Martha, who had baked seven kinds of cookies for the upcoming bake sale sponsored by the PTO, planted four flats of vincas by the front door to the school, and sent handwritten notes to every member of the maintenance and lunchroom staff on handmade cards.

The weeks passed until May arrived, and the seven women ran for the door with visions of "A LIFE" with the possible exception of Foggy who was like, "What? May?"

For two or so glorious months, the women traveled, loved, slept, enjoyed, and rejuvenated themselves. They even went by their given names instead of their descriptors.

And then it was August again. Egad.

Martha brought them all scrapbooks of their summer adventures and went into her classroom that she had been working in all summer when she wasn't visiting at the nursing home, on a mission trip with her church, retiling her porch with cut up credit cards, or babysitting seventeen members of her family...simultaneously.

Foggy decided that this year would be the year that she would replace her medication with exercise. Endorphins make you happy, right? Well, yes, after the pain from the actual exercise subsides. Foggy lasted for two weeks before she decided that Foggy life was better than smelling like BenGay and not being able to move.

Whiny decided that she would find those who were less fortunate than she and would find an antidote to her ongoing saga...or would at least have better material for the coming year.

Snippy decided to take the doctor up on that offer for hormones/antidepressants/wine after dinner. As a result, she is quite bearable. She doesn't care about much of anything anymore, but whatever.

Hormony took up yoga and went to Snippy's doctor. She only has the occasional "personal summer" now and then...but her husband has moved back into the house from his cot in his woodshop.

Weepy started hanging out in the restroom at the Florabama Lounge on weekends and began to feel much better about her life as a whole.

Sleepy began actually going to bed at a decent hour, and became a huge fan of Tylenol PM. She gets confused with Foggy every now and again in the early hours, but has found that Starbucks can fix all of that most days.

And the children? They moved on to the next grade with fond memories and a head full of knowledge that would take them to wonderful and important places...or to become the next generation of tennis moms.

And the women knew that in spite of it was worth it.

The End.

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