Fiber (from the archives)

This was an actual e-mail that I sent to a friend several weeks ago. I alluded to this particular incident in an earlier post, but I'm now sharing it with you in its entirety. E-mails like this are why I am now doing this HERE instead of THERE (work)...

Title: Just in case you ever wonder...

I'm here to let you know that it IS possible to get too much fiber.

I went and added up what all I had consumed today just so you will understand more fully. Since I am required (at Rehab) to write down everything caloric that enters my mouth (other than gum, ice, water, or the occasional pen tip), this really wasn't terribly difficult.

For breakfast, I had two Kashi oatmeal packets. EACH had 7g of fiber, for a total of 14g.

Then I had an AllBran drink mix (in iced tea flavor...and it really is close...if you don't breathe while you are drinking)...well...actually, I had THREE of those and each has a total of 10g of fiber...a total of 30g.

Lunch was Progresso soup (I had a deal to get out so Subway didn't happen) - Weight Watchers blend, naturally, with 4g of fiber. To go with it, I had a serving (18) of AllBran crackers - another 5g of fiber.

I missed my yogurt, but will have it later (assuming that I survive) and was able to have one of my "frozen crack" bars (Weight Watchers variety - 1 point!). Yes...quite addictive...and 5g of fiber. (Yeah, that's how they keep the points down...)

Grand total: 58 grams of fiber. Recommended daily allowance? 25-30g...and most people can't fit that in. OH! And I'm not through eating for the day...OMG.

Anyway, my stomach sounds like Linda Blair in the scene in "The Exorcist" where her head spins around. It's probably gurgling something like "Paul is dead" if you played it backwards or "Just how cleaned out are you trying to get?" Haven't decided. All I know is that I am in grave danger of spontaneous combustion at this very moment. If all they find is a pile of ashes on my laptop...tell them it was the fiber. I may have solved the energy dilemma for the United States. This stuff is powerful.

FIBER: Flatulence, Indigestion, Bathroom runs, Excruciating pain and Remorse. Pretty much in that order for me. I'm on R right now if you can't tell. I distinctly just heard something inside my head go "you will quit eating...and you will LIKE it." I never want to eat AGAIN. Can I go home now? Never mind...I probably wouldn't make it home intact...if you catch my drift (and trust me...you don't want to...)

Rehab would be proud. No wonder they are pushing the fiber. Hope I don't OD. Oh...gotta go...Later!