Sunday, May 17, 2009

To Jill

Last night I watched you struggle with red rimmed eyes and cracking voice as you tried to understand why the boy you've been dating for nearly two years has just suddenly decided that he needs space. Although this happens to girls every day 365 days each year (or 366...but whatever) is never easy when it is YOU. I get that. I've been there.

I think what you don't know is that this is all part of the plan.

The plan? What plan?

Well, long, long ago before you were conscious of the fact that your parents were human, when you could eat sugar without feeling like you'd ingested poison, and before you had those nagging life details such as deodorant, eyebrow appointments and Pilates to contend were just a girl. A little girl with such a mind of her own that your 2 year old picture at daycare (which will appear on this blog as soon as I can scan it in) says in pixels what is inadequate to describe in words. You had a mind of your own even then,and we heard words like "strong willed" and "pistol" and "handful" before you were out of Pullups. That was a battle in itself (potty training...) but we got through it.

Later, you followed your own mind back to the library to finish a project even though your 1st grade class had gone on to the next or French or something. Your teacher found that you had doubled back because YOU thought that you should dictate when you were through rather than allowing the clock to do it for you. Well, that one got your Dad and me an invitation to the "elementary coordinator's" office. Her take on it was that you had wonderful leadership skills that needed to be "channeled" in the proper direction. Far easier said than done. It would have been easier to hop on a bucking bronco, hold on for 8 seconds, and not get trampled afterwards. But, luckily, and through the grace of God, we managed.

At age 12, you discovered that the boys in your class were well...BOYS. For hours you sat by the computer as you instant messaged people and I checked about every five minutes. It was obvious that other parents didn't check out the computers from what I read. It was an enlightening experience.

At 14, you started REALLY liking boys, and we started the stream of the poor souls that later became known as "victims." You made some mistakes that were unkind, but "unkind" would have been nice in return. You received what can only be described as the electric chair for jaywalking, and you learned (as did I) that adult women can sometimes be the most hateful creatures alive. You endured more pain than a 14 year old girl should have had to shoulder because you had the audacity to be a 14 year old girl. You may have looked 18, but you certainly weren't.

At 16, you dated a boy that we all loved to pieces but whose mother thought we were trying to adopt him. We were just trying to enjoy him while he was here. Because he appeared to enjoy being with our family, she gave you "round 2" in how adult women can be the cruelest creatures on earth. But, due to some godly women that saw the injustice, and loved you, you not only survived - but you flourished under their care.

And then about two years ago, at age 18, you showed up with the one that you are crying over today. He was tall, nice looking, athletic, and was able to date you because he had the money from working full time and the benefit of living at home. He seemed to have it all together in that he worked out, worked full time, and worked his classes in at night. Hard classes such as higher math and sciences. Most impressive. Frankly, I wasn't impressed that he couldn't carry a full load. Still think that's bizarre.

But as you know, from day 1, I knew that this day was going to come. I had just hoped for sooner rather than later...just to spare you the pain of today.

He is the real loser...because you, my beautiful daughter, are a PRIZE.

He saw your beauty...but not the beauty of your heart.
He saw the big blue eyes...but not the intelligence behind them.
He saw how hard you worked...but not the fact that your best work is done in support of a cause or for someone you love.
He saw the comfortable home that we have, and missed the fact that you are worthy of someone who will provide it for you later on and not the other way around.
He saw someone who was well liked, but didn't understand how hard it is to be beautiful and have everyone assume the worst about you because they are so insanely jealous.
He saw you go to church, but did not fully grasp the plans that God has for you in this life.

And while you aren't are the perfect daughter for me...and you are going to be the perfect wife for some lucky man one day.

You see...I want better for you. At the proper time...I want a man for you with the eyes to see all that I see in you and more. A godly man that is not afraid to fight his weaknesses and insecurities to be worthy of you. And quite frankly...I just haven't seen that man yet. And because I know you have some more growing up to do...I honestly believe that this is for the best.

So, today, as you are trying to figure out where you went "wrong" with him...remember that it is part of God's plan. God loves you even more than I do, although I often have to remind myself of that because it honestly does not seem possible. He wants the best for your life, and doesn't want you wasting time with someone who has nothing more to offer you than a complete lack of intelligence and the sensitivity of a brick wall. And that's me being nice.

And you know THAT, too. I have enough red clay under my feet to go "redneck" on someone in a second.

I'm personally excited that this drama is unfolding so nicely this early in the summer...the last summer you will be at home. I am personally hopeful that this summer is going to be one of tremendous personal growth for you. I don't want you to waste time trying to figure out the motives of a Neanderthal. He doesn't know why he's a loser...he just IS. Dry your tears and forget that this idiot ever crossed your path. I can see no real benefit from the time other than it kept you out of some of the trouble that often befalls young freshmen women. Not that I really worried about you...but I am glad for that year being behind you as well.

Know that I love you. Know that God loves you. Know that it is going to get better. I have faith. In God...and in you.

Love, Mom

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