Saturday, May 23, 2009

Signs of Aging

I really don't want to elaborate on the obvious here. I know that most of us have seen the hair color alterations...or have seen hair actually just give it up and move on. We've also seen lines on the formerly smooth surfaces...seen stubborn pockets of "excess energy" that refuse to melt off after a one week grapefruit diet...and we are seeing our children doing those things that we remember all too well doing ourselves.

What? I was talking about graduation, weddings and new babies. I'm not spilling any state secrets here. Believe ME.

So...other than the can we REALLY tell that we are getting older? We don't always FEEL older...which is good. Oh are just a few that I've noted:

We're more practical: What this means is that if the choice is between looking "cute" and being comfortable...we're going with the latter. That means that we don't really care if you like our Crocs, stretch pants, Merrills and the like or not...we're wearing them anyway. If we find a pair of shoes that is comfortable, we'll buy them in every color. Some men just go with the ol' "all khaki...all the time..." at this stage. Why not? Who is really looking at us that critically anymore?

Undergarments are easy: We grew up in the "pre-thong era", and after spending the better part of our adult life keeping our panties out of our crack...we find the whole idea of a thong rather distasteful. Some may disagree with this...but that's only because you've kept your figure. I assure you that the rest of us are in WalMart grabbing the Hanes Her Way off the wall and checking that task off the list. Yeah, we'll pay decent money for a bra (due to gravity), but to us...a thong brings back visions of Frederick's of Hollywood...and these aren't always entirely positive images.

Music isn't the central focus of our lives: We love the old songs. Most of the excitement over American Idol is over the guests that they bring on...guests we remember from the FIRST time around. We still rock out to the songs we rocked out to in High School. Ironically, so do our KIDS. They were denied decent music due to some fairly heinous musical trends of late. Granted, many of us do own an iPod...and we are actually ahead of the curve. But I guarantee you that if we do...we keep it in a freezer bag in our purse so it won't get damaged. I know that I do.

Reality TV is fun but not absolutely necessary for us: I mean, our actual real lives contain enough drama for us (thank you very much). Between our friends, associates, coworkers and neighbors...not to mention our us...we're good without watching "The Hills" or whatever MTV is pushing. Because we still remember when MTV stood for Music Television and played real videos...all the time.

Being bored: We haven't been bored since the month before our first child was born and we were confined to a recliner wishing that the baby would be born three weeks early. Being bored is a luxury of the wealthy, idle, and people under the age of 25. In other words...not us. The only exception is sitting in a waiting room at the doctor's office...which many of us do more often than we used to.

Cell phones: Although many have stepped up to the phones that can do everything short of filing your taxes for you...many of us are just happy to be able to text...and old school texting at that. Our phones are often the simplest model and are often the kids' rejects when they want an upgrade. They have things like..."I love you Mom" on the screen and a picture of your spouse. Your ring tone is something like "In the End" by Linkin Park or "Low" by FloRida because they think it's funny and they know that you have no clue as to go about changing it.

Hot nights: While the dating scene for some is alive and well...for many of us...a hot night involves a bath, a book, and peace. In fact, the term "hot" means something different to us entirely. As I recently read on a plaque somewhere..."I'm still just comes in flashes now." Sad, but true.

Gifts: Gifts are either a gift card or an appliance. The only exception is if you actually buy something you actually want yourself or bribe one of the kids to do it for you.

Whining: Your responses to whining without fail can shut the younger set down. They are concerned about having so much to do, no money, five pounds to lose and worry that they won't find their soulmate. Blah blah blah. You tell them that you did more than they'll do all day before you arrived at work, haven't had money since 1990, have more weight to lose than they weigh, and assure them that their soulmate will be around...and around...and around. For some reason...they don't seem particularly eager to whine a second time in your presence.

New cars: You see a new car in terms of payments and insurance cost rather than how hot you'll look driving it. Like you care.

Anyway, some of these may not apply to you...and that's probably because you're still young!

But for those of you who agree with at least one point made here (and I'm betting on the Hanes Her Way, personally)...aren't you glad that you are the awesome person that you are now? You've survived so much to get here. And as the lyrics to a Collective Soul song says..."now that wisdom has come...everything else fades." Well, not entirely. Your love and spirit are timeless.

I think I'll just listen to my iPod now and then put her back in her Ziploc freezer bag when I'm through...Later!

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